Monday, August 4, 2014

Growing Up Duggar Answers

Well, I just got done reading the worst book I’ve ever read.*
*And I’ve read a book by Alyssa Milano about being a baseball fan, so yes, I do have some room to talk.
“Growing Up Duggar” read like a textbook.
Here is a perfect example of how this book was written.
“To rephrase an old saying: Stick and stones may break a person’s physical bones, but mocking or scorning words will most definitely break a person’s spirit and destroy his or her self-confidence.”
That’s an actual line from the book.
It was so incredibly boring, I thought about stopping many times, but like the Duggars and their quest to change the world, I also decided not to give up because my readers deserve something great.
Here are your questions and the best answers I could come up with from reading this horrible book/doing research/making crap up.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.23 PM
This is a very good question, Jose. Are you asking why this book exists or why I’ve decided to read it?
They wrote the book because they claim they get a ton of emails from young girls asking them all sorts of questions. I read the book because my most read blog posts are typically about these homeschooled jungle freaks, so I thought I would read the book, aka torture myself.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.18.28 PM
This was not addressed in the book. I can only assume it’s because Jim Bob’s name starts with a J and everyone wants to be like Jim Bob.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.18.22 PM
No, I know, Natalie. This wasn’t fun and I immediately regret it.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.26.23 PM
Thank you, Cayla for these questions. I knew I could count on you to make this job entertaining. I couldn’t find the answers to your questions in the book, so this is me making up answers. Josie will be the first on ‘I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant’ because she’s the baby and seems like an idiot. They don’t watch the other TLC programs because they don’t even watch their own show. And yes, on page 171, they refer to TLC as “The Learning Channel.”
Cousine Amy was never mentioned, so who knows.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.29 PM
Carrie is like the Duggars in this sense, too. They don’t really read anything besides the Bible. They don’t watch TV or listen to secular music. Even The Andy Griffith Show isn’t quite Duggar-approved enough.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.12 PM
As far as I know, they eat. They did share a story about how their mom, Michelle, struggled with an eating disorder in high school. But when she met Jim Bob, she conquered it because Jim Bob is a wonderful human being who is slow to anger and someone everyone loves.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.01 PM
Michelle and Jim Bob don’t hate each other because Jim Bob doesn’t belittle Michelle and Michelle respects Jim Bob. Jim Bob doesn’t watch porn (only Michelle and the older girls know the password to log onto the Internet) and Michelle doesn’t read romance novels. So basically she has no idea who Ryan Gosling is and that’s why she still thinks Jim Bob is a good husband.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.07 PM
BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM. When you have 19 kids, the older kids become the younger kids’ moms. They have so many kids, they have to set aside a day each month just to have one-on-one conversations with their kids. She’s happy because she never actually speaks to them.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.18.36 PM
Yes, they sin, but I’m still not entirely sure when. Their sins are kind of like North West during an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. You know it’s there, but you can’t see it directly.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.18.41 PM
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.18.47 PM
Oh, I’m glad you brought up hair, Emily. They can wear their hair short, but all of the Duggar girls wear it long because in 1 Corinthians 11:14-15, it says something about hair being a woman’s glory. ALSO, they surveyed a bunch of their guy friends (which was totally out of left field. Did not see these girls having friends, much less friends of the opposite gender) and one of the guy friends said they like a Godly girl to have long hair. Ok, then.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.18.54 PM
I’m assuming you’re referring to Jessa. And like I said, when you have 19 kids, I’m not positive you ever actually notice what they’re wearing or what they look like. But makeup is addressed in this book. They once heard a pastor say, “Any ol’ barn looks better with some paint on it!” This is the Duggar girls’s guideline for makeup. It’s ok. Just not too much.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.36 PM
No, I know.
Screen Shot 2014-07-24 at 8.19.19 PM
Agreed because I would dominate that category.
Now that all your questions are answered, here are some other interesting tidbits I learned while reading the worst book a public library has ever offered:
  • They avoid eating pork.
  • They support politicians who believe what they believe (they even spent a majority of a year traveling around the country campaigning for one).
  • When Michelle was a teenager, she used to mow the lawn in her bikini.
  • When the Duggar women see a woman who might help one of the Duggar men accidentally lust after her, they’ll quietly say “Nike” and that means they should drop their eyes to the ground.
  • They do actually understand that marriage cannot make them happy. Only God can. That was the one breath of fresh air.
  • They like the movie Fireproof. Of course they do.
  • They don’t have social media accounts, so I don’t know if the ones I’m following or fake or not.
Screen Shot 2014-07-07 at 1.18.39 PM
I will most likely never do something like this again because it physically hurt my soul.

No comments:

Post a Comment