Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I just want to be famous

I spend most of my time daydreaming about what it would be like to be famous.

Everyone warns me against it. And by everyone, I mean a few people.

But I want to be so famous, I can't walk out the door. Like Kim Kardashian, and everything I do is freakin headlining news.

Anytime I say a bad word, it's on CNN the next day.

Katie Johnson asked me last night if I would like to get a non-celebrity boyfriend before becoming famous.


Why the HELL (I felt a cuss word in all caps was the only way to drive my point home) would I date Joe Schmo while I'm in Hollywood surrounded by hot men like Chris Pine and Ryan Seacrest — who are in fact dating 23-year-olds.

I read somewhere that Chris Pine likes to date cynics, so it was a good day.

And I'm not saying Chris Pine and Ryan Seacrest are cooler than any of you guys, but I'm saying with fame and money, everyone is cooler.

I also would like to date someone famous so literally the only time I saw him was on a red carpet in front of cameras, so he's forced to smile.

And this isn't an insult to anyone because I KNOW all of you men would choose Olivia Munn over me.

Do you ever think about how pretty you could be if you were famous?

before fame

after fame

All I know is I'm running out of time and after my small taste of Instagram fame, I WANT MORE.

Here are things I've brainstormed on what I could be famous for:
  • Dating someone famous and then dropping the tell-all book
    • I WANT DEATH THREATS FROM 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS. (I remember being 12 and stabbing a poster of Britney Spears with a tact because I wanted JT for myself. I also feel like this is a premature sign of a serial killer.)
  • Being on a TV show
  • Winning America's Next Top Model (is that still a thing?) and telling Tyra Banks to suck it
  • This blog
  • Marrying a Duggar
  • I have no other ideas.

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