Wednesday, August 27, 2014

One Direction concert

This is really late, but I think my readers deserve to know what my experience entailed at the One Direction concert Sunday.

First, I had to pick out an outfit. I needed something that said, "I'm old enough to drink beer, but young enough to date Harry Styles."

I settled on my Taylor Swift dress.

There was also an off-chance Harry would see me, think I was Taylor, ask for me (her) back, and then he would fall for me.

BUT, in some weird freak of nature, I lost my Spanx, which makes me sound like a complete slut who just loses her undergarments, but I promise that's not the case.

So I had to go to Target to buy some new Spanx, but also chocolate chip cookie dough to complete my slutty brownies masterpiece. So that shopping combination was fun.

OK, so after I bought my Spanx, I dressed, while sweating my butt off because my house's air conditioner went out. So waiting for Kassidy to arrive was miserable.

We loaded up and headed out to Arlington. We were thirsty and hungry, so stopping at Sherlock's was the only reasonable thing to do. When I went there before the Beyonce and Jay concert, it was fairly crowded with concertgoers drinking and whatnot. Not on Sunday night. It was empty. Just Kassidy and me and some men participating in their fantasy football draft. They didn't hit on us, so we're assuming they were gay.

obviously gay if you're not into us.

We had to spend $40 at Sherlock's to take its shuttle over to the stadium for the concert. That was difficult because it was happy hour, so shots happened.

We cheered to Harry Styles and his gifts.

We hopped onto the shuttle, rolled our eyes at the young moms who thought they were hot enough for Harry, and moved on.

I walked quickly because I was scared of missing my boys, but we got there in plenty of time. We got a drink, found our seats, and began to make small talk with the 9-year-old next to us.

Her favorite member was Liam and I physically didn't know how to hide my confusion.

I eeked "Liiiiiiiiammmmmm?!?!?"

She looked at me, confused and then I remembered I was speaking to a child. I quickly followed it up with, "Oh, he's a good one." Obviously I was lying my pants off because Liam is literally my least favorite and I would rather hang out with anyone besides Liam.

I changed the subject as soon as I could to distract the little girl from my disgust at her taste in men. I asked her whose music video was playing on the big screen and she didn't know. I once again yelled at her, saying, "If you don't know, then who does????" Her mother chuckled. The daughter looked away.

The show began and oh my gosh, can we have a serious conversation right now? I love boy bands. Obviously that goes without saying. NSYNC was great and all, but really only JT and JC brought any looks to the group. Yeah, I'm all about having a grown-up argument over Chris becoming more attractive later and Lance being a hot gay guy, but I'm talking like really real good looks.

But let me tell you, all of those 1D boys are attractive.

Harry. His hair was long Sunday night. He combed it with his fingers often. I wasn't mad about it.

Zayn. What a mysterious bad boy.

Louis. He's cute and just funny. We all know he's secretly gay and Eleanor is his beard, but I appreciate him.

Niall. He's a blonde and plays guitar and you just want to snuggle him until he suffocates.

And Liam. As much as I hate him, I can't deny his beauty. Even with that stupid tattoo.

Kassidy and I sang and it was beautiful. However at one point, we needed another drink. We chose a song we didn't know and headed out to get something.

First place we went to: We don't have anything. You'll have to go upstairs.

Upstairs: We're not serving. There's some over there, though.

Over there: We only have soft drinks. Go to the bar.

The bar: We're packing up. You just missed it.

We were furious. It was hardly 10 p.m. and this place had stopped serving. We're looking into suing. I'll keep everyone posted.

Every concert has a song where people pull out their iPhones's flashlights and "Little Things" was 1D's. It was magical.

The show ended and we headed out with our heads hung low. We most likely will never experience anything like that again. Not until they're washed-up nobodies playing at the House of Blues in 10 years. I look forward to seeing you again, Harry.

(I still haven't decided who will be the JT of 1D. Harry has the looks and rock star persona, but Liam has the work ethic. But Zayn is kind of like JC and actually the best, but will probably end up going solo with weird music and then we'll see him judging some reality show, like America's Best Dance Crew.)

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