Monday, August 4, 2014

Social Media

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t on any social media sites. I don’t even remember what I did with that time. Lawd know I wasn’t outside. I think I was eating or watching reruns of ‘The Dick van Dyke Show.’
HE FALLS EVERY TIME AND IT'S SO FUNNY.
HE FALLS EVERY TIME AND IT’S SO FUNNY.
When all my friends had Myspace and Xanga, I was like, ‘You’re dumb, that’s dumb, and I feel bad for you, son.’ (It rhymed, what do you want from me.)
Then I joined Facebook in like 2008 because I was about to go off to college and I wanted to make sexy Internet friends. Facebook led to Twitter, then Instagram, and somehow LinkedIn. (One day at The DT, I made everyone get a LinkedIn and it was the best thing I contributed to that newspaper.) (And no, LinkedIn, I don’t want to congratulate that person I had one class with on their new job because I don’t have a job. I MIGHT celebrate someone else’s achievements when I also have my own to celebrate, but don’t hold your breath.)
Me getting LinkedIn emails.
ME GETTING LINKEDIN EMAILS.
Listen, social media has changed the game called life for me and pretty much everyone else. I can find anyone on social media and it is a great quality for an FBI agent/young woman dating in a big city.
My sister told me the other day that she has met up with guys/gone on blind dates without first properly evaluating them on social media. I’M SORRY. WHAT. I KNOW WE WERE BORN IN TWO DIFFERENT DECADES, BUT THIS IS CRAZY TO ME. You didn’t know what he looked like before? You didn’t know his birthday? You didn’t know if his profile picture was once a picture of a sports car he can’t afford? These are extremely important things to know before getting to know a gentleman guy.
confusedzooey
And while Facebook will tell you a lot about a person, Twitter and Instagram will tell you so much more. More often times than not, their parents and grandparents aren’t using the latter two sites, so they are freer with their words and pictures. AKA they make crude jokes, post pictures doing the Edward Forty-hands, or worse, pictures of a baby that’s not even theirs.
YOU'RE SO COOL.
YOU’RE SO COOL.
It should also be mentioned that a person’s Twitter favorites is a dangerous, yet rewarding territory that every person should wander in to. Favorites will tell you A LOT.
I’m using a lot of words to tell you one thing (because I’m a blogger): Social media is beautiful and tells you A LOT/too much about a person. For instance, if a complete stranger were to look at my social media sites, they would learn I’m dumb, I like Taylor Swift, and I will hashtag any TV show I’m watching if you put the hashtag in the bottom right corner of the screen because I’m a sucker for strategic marketing/advertising/public relations.
–IN OTHER NEWS, I have a degree in public relations and I’m still not positive on the difference between those three things, SO HAHA HIRE ME.
This graphic helped me pass college. Wreck 'em.
THIS GRAPHIC HELPED ME PASS COLLEGE. WRECK ‘EM.
If I meet you one time, I will be able to find you on social media after only a couple of minutes. YES, I’M PROUD OF THIS. Heck, I don’t even need to know your name to find you. I have found complete strangers who I simply catch a glimpse of on Facebook. I have found a 16-year-old high school baseball player after his father sold me alcohol. I have found a male just based on the phone number he gave my friend. I am a master and I want everyone to tell me how talented I am.
One site I haven’t conquered mainly because I’m not a stay-at-home mom is Pinterest. However, my friend Emily (who likes to pretend she’s a stay-at-home mom) is the master Pinterest-stalker. She always knows when a woman is about to announce her pregnancy because of the rise of the baby pins and maternity clothing boards.
I don't understand this gif, but it's a Pinterest gif, so shut up.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS GIF, BUT IT’S A PINTEREST GIF, SO SHUT UP.
This post is nearing 700 words and because I don’t get paid for this (your likes and comments are enough to feed me), I’m not even going to get into Snapchat stalking. If you want a private lesson on it, my rate is cheap: a glass of wine and 7th Heaven on the TV.
Call me.

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