Wednesday, September 10, 2014

A lot happened this morning before I even woke up

I was not happy this morning.

My phone was going nuts.

I looked to see who was texting me and I noticed it was a group text of former DT editors.

I tried going back to sleep, but I couldn't.

If a bunch of former newspaper journalists are blowing up your phone, then you know something good is happening.

I thought maybe Kliff Kingsbury was tested positive for molly, or our former newspaper collapsed without us, or more nude celebrity photos leaked, or nude Kliff pics leaked, or SOMETHING GOOD.

good god. god is good. this is good. god bless kliff.

But no. These people were discussing damn hamburgers.

I had to black out some parts because they were discussing murder and I figured eh, I'll spare them jail time and leave that out.

Cops: I'm kidding. They were discussing things not PMS-approved.

I'm all for a healthy hamburger discussion, but not at 9 a.m.

This conversation was sprouted from this article and these fatasses apparently had a lot to say.

And then Katie's mom, who is an angel who forgot how to fly, texted to let me know there is some beef between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.  I already knew this, but I was thankful she was letting me know. Us gossip girls have to stick together.

But then this happened.

god bless baby boomers/mrs. johnson

She accidentally created a Facebook group called Paige.

And I just want to thank all my fans.

P.S. It's my parents' anniversary. I didn't get them anything. Aren't I the gift?