Sunday, September 14, 2014

Emily gets engaged/Don't trust me with anything

Not long ago, Isaac, Emily's boyfriend/(spoiler alert) now fiancé told me he would propose.

And he needed some help.

Haha, ok. That's funny.

Not to toot my own horn, but toot toot. I threw Emily a surprise 22nd birthday party in April and the theme was Taylor Swift's 22, based off her music video. The party was a success. I'm not a party planner, but the party was good.

It was probably a success because I've watched that music video about 26 times. That's a guestimation, but it's probably pretty accurate.

But ask me how many engagement videos I've watched.


Yeah, zero. Emily always sends me "cute" proposal videos and I never watch them. Too sappy. Too much love. I just can't do it.

So when Isaac asked me for my help, I basically said, 'What.'

Prepping for the proposal

In fact, I named my secret Pinterest board 'what' to help prep for the proposal. I shared it with Katie and Kassidy so they could pin things and Katie pinned this.

Kassidy pinned this.

We took it seriously, obviously.

Isaac also had some ideas. He wanted a board displaying significant dates on them.

I don't craft, so I delegated that responsibility to Katie.

Katie made the board, while Kassidy, Baby Dex, and I literally sat there and watched and critiqued her and made her do stuff over. Baby Dex stepped on the board at one point and got in trouble and it was sad. He had the sad Mister Baby Dex look on his face.

So now if you look closely, there's a paw-paw print on it. It's Baby Dex's stamp of approval.


Ashley and I arrived at the church at 5 p.m. to set everything up. Isaac was going to take her to Mattitos (because queso) and then bring her back to the church to propose. Ashley and I had two hours to get everything together and haha we needed maybe six.

We had no idea what we were doing. Ed Sheeran served as our background music, while we laid out candles, and lights, and pictures, and daisies and tried to make it look romantic, but not too romantic because we were in a church. (Ashley did the majority of this because I was eating my two party burritos from Taco Bueno sans cheese. I looked on and nodded my head in approval.)

We crawled a lot because the candles and pictures and flowers were on the floor. Our knees are still suffering from carpet burns.

Everything was slowly starting to come together when Isaac texted me that he was at the nearest gas station trying to stall time. I panicked. The place was a disaster. I was still eating my burrito. Ashley was still trying to make the pictures stand up with clothespins.

I ran around and attempted to clean everything up (aka hide everything behind the piano).

We lit the candles, dimmed the lights and sat and waited for them to arrive.

I get the camera that I have been put in charge of because I took one photography class one time and people think I can take photos of proposals now.

a shot from my photography class.

tell me i'm a good photographer.

After a few minutes, we heard footsteps outside the door. We saw the door crack open.

They're here. Oh, my goodness, I'm so nervous. What if she says no? What if he doesn't go through with it? What if I pass out?

The door opened.

A random woman appears.

That's not Emily?!

She looks around and sees the dark sanctuary lit up with candles and me sitting there with a camera aimed at her.

"Umm, yeah. Can you leave?"

She left.

Five minutes later with no warning at all, Isaac and Emily bust through the doors.

I fiddled with the camera. It doesn't turn on.

No, seriously it didn't turn on.

I look up for one second and Isaac is already down on one knee proposing and I still can't get the camera to work.

I look over and Ashley isn't taking any photos.

I yell, "WAIT! HOLD ON."


I couldn't get the camera to work, so I pulled out my cellphone. I took some shots (not of alcohol even though that probably would have served me better in that moment) before my phone informs me there is no more space for pictures.

I cuss.


The proposal was over within minutes.

I handed the camera to Ashley and told her to figure it out. I deleted photos from my cellphone and asked (told) them to reenact it.

They did.


We blew out the candles only to realize there's wax all over the church's new carpet.

I freak out. I can't have God mad at me.

I look at the couple who just got engaged and realize they don't care about the wax on the carpet. They just keep looking at each other.

I cuss again.

Lights come on and the wax on the carpet is ungodly. Like, it's bad.

My knife comes out and I start scrapping away.

Emily goes to retrieve a vacuum. Isaac gets an iron.

We Pinterest DIY wax-getter-outters.

We iron the wax up. I thank God and apologize for cussing in his house.

Ashley and I clean everything up (because we're slaves), including any remaining wax stains, while Emily and Isaac headed back to her house for the official engagement/post pictures on Facebook party.

A lot of people were there. I was overwhelmed, but thankful the party wasn't about or for me, so I could hide in the corner and people watch.

Everyone began asking Ashley and I about the proposal. I told them all the dirty details because I have no filter and I just really want everyone to know never to put me in charge of something like that again.

I gathered up all the girls and we immediately began to plan the bachelorette party. I'm sorry, Emily, but this isn't up to you.

After proposal/engagement

Eventually, the party settled down and Ashley, Kassidy and I decided to go to Katy Ice House. We drank some and Kassidy got so talkative, she revealed a secret.

She likes Bruno Mars.

I gave her hell for that this morning because who the eff likes Bruno Mars.

my mental image of bruno mars.

I woke up sore this morning, so please never ask me for help in a proposal again.

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