Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Episode 1 Recap/Ben moves in

A new season of 19 Kids and Counting is underway and this is the season that's leading up to Jill and Derick's wedding/their first kiss/their first unchaperoned date/conceiving their first born.

A LOT OF FIRSTS, my kind readers.

This episode starts off with Jill and Derick and 1,000 other Duggar women sitting down with a wedding planner, who quickly realizes this is the biggest joke of her life.

"We'll probably have more than 1,000 people at the wedding." -Jill

"Why does God hate me?" -the wedding planner

Some of the Duggar boys chime in during the confessional interviews and that's where we meet Jason.

"The groom should be 5 percent involved."

That's nice, Jason, but who are you?

Maybe you should check in with your parents because who are you.

Then Jim Bob takes us across the street to a house he bought and is fixing up for Jill and Derick to move into after they get married. This is nice because I would hate for these young newlyweds to have to work for something.

While I'm slightly jealous of their three-story mansion in Butthole, Arkansas, I'm thankful I don't live across the street from Jim Bob. Paying no rent will be fun, Derick, but I hope you're thinking of Jim Bob your wedding night because he'll be 500 feet away.

Like, I can't.

Everything took a serious turn when Derick informs us his mom is sick with cancer and we see Derick, Jill and Jessa (can't go on unchaperoned dates yet) in the hospital visiting Mama Dillard.

After a nice hospital visit, Jessa and Jill in the kitchen preparing a huge meal for half of Arkansas's population (aka the Seewalds, Dillards, and Duggars).

Watching Jessa in the kitchen is like looking in a mirror.

I am Jessa. 
Jessa is me. 

She has no idea what she's doing. She's just pouring ungodly amounts of sugar into a mixing bowl and then soaking the rolls in butter. She's the Paula Dean of the Duggars.

Grandma Duggar can't help you forever, Jessa.

The Seewalds and Dillards arrive (sans Mama Dillard because #cancer) and Derick's brother and the brother's girlfriend are already immediately uncomfortable probably because they've held hands out of wedlock.

Everyone sits down for dinner and Jim Bob morphs into his usual awkward turtle-self.

"Ben, how's your relationship with my daughter going?" -Jim Bob

"It's going good." -Ben, who has obviously never taken an English course

"Well, since y'all won't be kissing until your wedding day, what do you think about moving into our guesthouse and being tempted to break your courting vows every day?" -Jim Bob

"I'll pray about it." -Ben


The deal is that Ben would move into the guesthouse and work for Jim Bob, aka be the Duggars's slave. Jim Bob asks Ben's dad what he thinks and he's like, 'Haha, sucks for you, but sure.'

All of this just kind of blows my mind. They aren't allowed to hold hands or go on solo dates, but Jim Bob is providing a place for Ben to live. Like, no pressure, Jessa. Hope you don't one day wake up and realize you hate your boyfriend and want to end things because now he's living with you.

All of the Duggar kids and parents and random citizens and Obama then discuss how challenging it's going to be when Ben lives so close but his hands have to stay so far away. A montage of all the times a Duggar couple got a little too friendly (aka a frontal hug) rolls.

The episode ends with dinner and some random Asian friends of the family. It was like TLC told them they have to add some color to the season because all of a sudden, there's just random Asians in the kitchen.

Josie's word count episode 1: 29 words too many and some mumblings

Preview to watch for in next episode: Ben gets dangerously close to Jessa's face

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