Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Episode 2 Recap/Jessa shoots a gun


I mentally/internally decided to blog every 19 Kids and Counting episode this season and I think I'm already regretting it.

I think Augusta blogging Juan Pablo's entire Bachelor season was my influence because it was so funny and I just wanted to do something half as funny.



And the Duggars are such a shiz show/not a shiz show at all that I figure they would be good blogging content.

Before the episode even started, Cayla wanted an entire group text to know that she doesn't like Derick. Like I think she might hate him.



I like Derick, however. Better than I like Ben, at least.



But I've been wrong about men in the past.

See also: every boy I've ever dated ever.

This episode starts off with Jessa and Jill going on dates, but they need chaperones because when you're a Duggar, you are never to be trusted.

"Hey, can you please raise all of the children I'm about to have because there will be 19 and I can't raise all of them, but you're not allowed to have alone time with your fiance." -Michelle and Jim Bob

Oh, ok. Seems normal.

Jason is Jessa and Ben's chaperone and we met Jason last episode. He provided some intriguing insight into the wedding process. We learned he is a firecracker and I appreciate this. He's a brother who is finally acting like a brother.



"We still don't know if you're going to marry him," Jason says to Jessa after Ben says something about marrying her.

Thank you, Jason. Thank you for giving Ben a hard time because Jim Bob sure as hell isn't. Oh, Ben, go ahead and move on up here and marry my little Jessa as soon as possible. -Jim Bob

Jessa and Ben go to the shooting range and that's where we're given this little token of joy. Remember when this was worldwide news one day? Like, this just in: Some Arkansas folks shoot guns.

What was that? You don't remember this Duggar news? Ugh.

Ok???????

Ben is constantly referring to Jessa as "my girl" and it gets old quick, but Jessa is eating it up. I personally want Jessa to point the gun she's holding at Ben and tell him to shut it.

Then we see Jill and Derick's date with James as the chaperone.

"For me it's not awkward being a chaperone because I'm just here for the food," said James. This is funny because some day a girl is going to say that about going on a date with him. It's going to be hilarious, but yes, free food is really the only reason to agree to be a chaperone for a couple who is dying to rip each other's clothes off.

They can't keep their hands off each other! I don't know what the point of a chaperone is if they don't step in every once and awhile and be like, 'Hey, stop touching my sister.'

As they're driving in the car on the way to their hike, we hear James say, "I don't know how Jill doesn't get carsick just looking at Derick."



SHADE. SHADE. I haven't seen shade like this since Katy Perry tweeted this morning. I'm laughing. I love James. He might be my new favorite.



This date is special because it's Jill's birthday and a hike is the date Derick decided on. Like, ok. If a man ever took me hiking on my birthday, there would be no wedding. I guess that's why Derick chose Jill and not me. And also Derick not being prayer buddies with my father probably had something to do with it.

The entire date all I can think about is Derick's past dating life. Surely, he's dated before. Not courted, but dated. I Twitter stalked him and there's no sign of an ex-girlfriend, so I need a representative from OSU to come forward and tell me about his mascot days. I'll pay you for this information (a shoutout on the blog).



The eat some crackers and hummus, all while ignoring James is even there. Derick mentions how nice it is to be alone with Jill and James is literally just sitting there like:



"I think we enjoyed the picnic more than James did," Jill said. YA NO SHIT. Being a third-wheel ain't fun.

The sweet side of me is like this is very A Walk To Remember, but instead Derick does love Jesus and Jill's not dying of cancer, but then the evil/cynical side of me is like he is saying anything to hurry this wedding along because he wants her all to herself. If you catch my drift.

literally get a room.

These are my internal struggles, people. It ain't easy.

The episode really just centers around Jessa and Jill and their men, but we do get to see Jennifer get glasses. This is important because Jennifer is 6 years old. That means Michelle and Jim Bob landed on the name Jinger before they did Jennifer. Like ok.

Jill and Derick continue talking about how much they have to do before they get married and I'm like my god, just elope if you're in that big of a hurry. They venue shop with Michelle because #chaperones and it's so, so boring. They settle on the church Michelle and Jim Bob got married at and I'm like OF COURSE YOU DID. You're a Duggar. Did you even need to shop or do you just enjoy wasting people's time? Of course you're going to get married at the same place your parents did.

While Jill, Derick and Michelle make that extremely hard decision, Jim Bob and the rest of the kids build soapbox derby cars and it looks effin miserable. Jim Bob makes it a competition and they're all racing to build this thing. Nails and hammers are flying everywhere.

However, Jessa and Ben are nowhere to be found, aka they're making out on the farm somewhere.

WE'RE NOT DUMB.

We also meet a bunch of boys I have never seen before. Who is Jedidiah? No, but really, who are you?

wish you were cuter.

Joseph is cute and he's also 19. So there's that.

he's 19. sue me.

All of the boys are a little gay, which I of course appreciate for selfish reasons, but Jim Bob IS NOT going to be happy if one of them turns out gay.

Josie's word count episode 2: NONE. We don't hear from Josie, PTL, but we see her being annoying and jumping around.




Preview to watch for in next episode: A black man shows up to Josh's door to raid his pantry.

4 comments:

  1. Jedidiah? He doesn't even look like a Duggar. He's obviously adopted. Or he just slipped in there without anyone noticing cause CHAOS.

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  2. You have to keep up the Duggar episode recaps, this season isn't out in the UK yet and I need my fix!

    Also fyi Jedidiah is the twin brother of Jeremiah...I think Michelle and Jim-Bob were really clutching at straws for names by that point.

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    Replies
    1. I plan to blog the entire season! Anything you want to see less or more of?

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    2. Awesome! I enjoy seeing the middle forgotten about children and seeing how weird they are...so yeah...keep that up.

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