Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I spent one hour on Tinder and it was horrible

Listen, the title says it all.

I've made better decisions (eating powdered donuts for dinner tonight) and I've made worse (interviewing a man in his home about his murder-mystery novel).



I was hanging out with Kassidy, not blogging about the Duggars, and she was all like, OMG, this Tinder dude is so _____.

The adjectives ranged from cute to hot to weird to fatherly.

So I went ahead and downloaded my app because nothing brings two 20-something women together more than swiping left and right.



My requirements:

If you have dreadlocks: swipe right

If you're in a band: swipe right

If you used the word fag in your bio: swipe left

If you're a father: I would say swipe left, but honestly I swiped right for a father of two, so who really cares.

If you're younger than 21: I would also like to say that I would say swipe left, but I swiped right for a 19-year-old, but I DID swipe left for the cute 18-year-old, so I DO have standards, y'all.

I didn't get any matches and this is the end of the blog post.

I'M KIDDING. HAHA I'M FUNNY. THIS IS FUNNY. KEEP LAUGHING. PRETEND YOU'RE AN AUDIENCE MEMBER OF SNL AND KEEP LAUGHING.

OK, so I did get some matches.



Conversation 1:

Background: My bio was "Taylor Swift liked my Instagram photo one time" and Caulder's first question was, "What was the picture?" This is what happened after that:


saucy.
Conversation 2:
Background: He's referring to this picture:





I was referring to a picture of Kyle sitting on a couch (I didn't really like it, but ya know, got to make stupid conversation, boost an ego, etc.).

Well apparently Kyle used to be a model and...



So the conversation ended because I didn't want to offend him (lol sometimes I have a heart, but most of the time I don't, but idk sometimes you feel sweet after watching Pharrell on The Voice because he's so sweet and please don't tell me I'm the only one watching that show because this is the best season yet).

Conversation 3:



I never responded because it's like what are YOU doing on Tinder, mister?

Conversation 4:
Background: Ken sent some weird basic message about how he's new to Dallas and wanted to know what I do here and I was like no way in heck I'm giving you any real information because lying is more fun, but anywho I kind of not really called him out for it because I'm fiery via the Internet.


I just felt I needed to be honest with Ken and let him know that I hate the outdoors and we could never be anything more than this conversation.

Conversation 5 (did not screenshot):
"I'm watching a baseball playoff game." -guy
"Oh, I love the A's, but not their ballpark." -me
"I've never been." -guy

Conversation 6 (did not screenshot):
"Hey girl" -guy
"Hi boy" -me
"What's up girl" -guy
"SAY MY NAME" -me

I deleted the app after one hour. Do you think a lot of the guys are heartbroken over it? I bet.


2 comments:

  1. Damn, I was hopeful to find you on the app. Broke my heart by deleting it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was the most fun I've had in a long time. Will you send the doctor my way plz?

    ReplyDelete