Monday, September 15, 2014

Romantic comedies never choose the right guy and I'm mad about it

Women in romantic comedies: Ugh. Why can't you get anything right? You have one job and that's to choose the right man, and you hardly ever do it correctly. I'm just mad.

1. In Sweet Home Alabama, Reese Witherspoon chose her first-love country boy back in Alabama, while she left sweet, kind, tender-hearted Patrick Dempsy crying in the rain. Was there rain involved? I don't really remember. Whatever, I would have chosen Patrick and that's why I don't write romantic comedies.

mean.
nice.

2. After that last one, I can feel you judging me. But what about Reese's other movie This Means War? Tom Hardy versus Chris Pine. I think she chose Chris Pine and while I am Chris's biggest supporter, I didn't like his character as much as Tom Hardy's. Tom was a lot nicer from what I remember, but I've slept and drank since then, so who knows.

mean.
nice.

3. And, oh my gosh, The Devil Wears Prada. Anne Hathaway is all, 'Having an awesome job with awesome clothes and having two men like me is hard,' and I'm like why didn't you choose the writer, instead of her chef of a boyfriend. Listen, Adrian Grenier is beautiful, but Simon Baker? Hi. And her boyfriend was always mad at her for working and I was like, ugh. Sorry you're a chef who makes grilled cheese sandwiches for a living. The writer got her the Harry Potter transcripts. THAT'S TRUE LOVE.

mean.
nice.

4. And do not even get me started on Sex and the City, but because I've already got myself started on it, I'll go ahead and say, who the heck chooses Big over Aidan? I'm sorry. Was Aiden too good looking for you, Carrie? Too sweet? Too nice to your friends? Too understanding of you not wanting to get married? Too forgiving of your affair? Like, the fact you screwed that up: I can't.

mean.
nice.

I'm just mad.

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