Thursday, October 2, 2014

Episode 5 Recap/Jana on the verge of murder

My friend called me yesterday to let me know her work hosted a ladies luncheon to discuss workplace dress code. They were told not to wear cap sleeves if they wanted men to respect them.

I was like, WAIT. HOLD ON.

I love time machines. How did you get your hands on one? And you went to the 50s??? Ok, interesting choice. I probably would have gone to the 70s, but you do you.

And then I was like, OHH. YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.


So speaking of living not in 2014, I watched the Duggars today.

"In your marriage there will be times you're going to be very exhausted. Your hubby comes home after a hard day's work, you get the baby to bed, and he is going to be looking forward to that time with you. Be available. Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls." -Michelle Duggar

(Don't you hate when the font is different from the rest of the page and it's obvious you copied and pasted it and you can't figure out how to change it and you're like whatever, who needs an A on this paper anyway and then you're like, this is my blog, I can do what I want.)

If you're like, Paige, I'm sick of your Duggar shit, then first you need to look in the mirror and apologize to yourself and then to me.

And secondly, I have fans, y'all.


Joanna Jordan reads this blog just for the Duggar recaps and she's from Scotland and she's not a Duggar despite her two J names.

So, yeah, somebody does care.

This episode starts out with all the girls shopping for shoes to wear to the wedding. Things we learned during this segment: They've literally never worn heels and they don't have any modesty standards for shoes.

Oh, ok. I'm glad we're drawing the line somewhere.

We also learn Jill is going barefoot on her wedding day because she likes the height difference between her and Derick and I'm like seriously, this pains me. BAREFOOT? I know you live in Butthole, Arkansas, BUT BAREFOOT?

All of the girls chose some shoes (Jinger chose Oxfords and I was like ok) and Jessa got some brown sandals and I was like ok then.

Then we see the boys installing carpet into Jill and Derick's future home. We meet Jackson and he's cute. I enjoy him.

Some producer/camera guy/I don't really know asks John David and another boy if they're single and they are, which isn't surprising because these people have been known to announce their new relationships on Good Morning America, so I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have missed that. But anyway, I really couldn't stand having Jim Bob as a father-in-law, but I will do just about anything to become famous and I feel like this is my shot.

Do you think the Duggars will think this blog is funny? Do you think you're allowed to say PMS in the Duggar home? Let me know y'all's thoughts.

Josh and Anna's time consisted of them making a baby gift for Jill and Derick's WEDDING PRESENT. A baby gift for a wedding. I need a drink.*

*It's 3 p.m. and I live with my parents, so I'm getting a Dr Pepper.

Also, Anna had a stranger come over and teach her how to make healthy food. Her kids did not like it.

"Do you like healthy food?" -producer to McKenzie

"Never, ever, ever, ever, ever." -McKenzie

Marcus, the baby, also threw a green bean across the kitchen and I was like, I respect you and I can relate.

The entire time Josh is wearing these really tight orange pants, which I enjoy on a skinny rock star/hipster/boy. I don't enjoy them on Josh Duggar, who occasionally needs a black man to show up to his home to tell him to exercise.

Sad Jana moments: When all the girls were testing out hairstyles for the wedding, the hairdresser asked if she was dating anyone. Jana said no. She also slaved away to make the bridesmaids dresses more modest because Bridezilla Jill asked her to. Basically if there was a scale from 1 to 10 on how much Jana hated her life, she would be at a good 9.

Jana looks to the camera and smiles. She thinks, 'What does this all mean? When will I be happy again?'

Josie word count episode 5: About 15



    For reals though if someone gave me a baby gift for my wedding I'd be hella creeped out. Not Jill though, she goes at puts that thing to work.