Thursday, October 2, 2014

My tolerance grew to two hours on Tinder

I accidentally redownloaded my Tinder app because I'm a sucker for attention and I really didn't want to write real stories and deal with real deadlines.

More requirements:

If you have dreadlocks: I'm still going to swipe right

If you're 18 years old: I maybe, I don't know, swiped right one several times

If you like ClickHole: swipe right (bonus: cat!)



If 420 is in your profile: swipe left. I'm kidding I swiped right and I'm not even ashamed.

HE HAS DREADLOCKS. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.



"I feel like most of your matches are stoners." -Kassidy
This is maybe true, but not something you, my readers, need to worry about.

Background: Drew and I were talking about Nobel Peace Prizes.



Once I redownloaded the app, all of my old matches came out of the woodworks.

The first message I read was from Daniel.

Background: He's referring to this picture:




I was like ok.

I did it.

I'm a pushover.

Also the father of two thinks I'm funny.

Background: My bio reads, "I don't have a picture with little black kids in Africa, but I'm still a nice person. Kind of."


AND I learned he's in a comedy group, with two kids, so like, he's the ultimate funnyperson and I made him laugh, SO BYE TO MY HATERS.



Even though he says the L word a little too quickly. I was like ok.

Background: We were talking about Dane Cook. I mentioned I hated him, I think.


John and I bonded over TLC. Yes, I mixed up TLC and Destiny's Child and this is why I could never be black.


Drew gets me.


Steven likes a certain kind of girl and it's def not me, but I still swiped right.


Brad, I'm going to need you to not.


Zach is nice.


My tolerance is up to two hours and then it literally becomes exhausting switching between chats. Deleting the app is the equivalent of me running away at the bar. Sometimes it just becomes too much.

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