Thursday, October 9, 2014

Tinder Round 3 I hate my life.

On Tuesday, I was eating at Manny's in Uptown, outdoors mind you, drinking a margarita, when all of a sudden, everyone (like five other girls) were telling me to redownload Tinder.

peer pressure.

I was like nooooo and they were like yesssss and the next thing I know, I'm back chatting with Single Father of 2, who missed me. #stillgotit


maybe he never said the words i missed you, but i think we can all read between the lines.

While I was going through the hundreds and hundreds of messages of men all fawning over me, someone (probably me, but like I said, I was one margarita deep, so who knows) suggested we go visit Single Father of 2 at the Starbucks he works at.

Yes, Single Father of 2 works at Starbucks. Did I forget to mention that?

Did I also forget to mention that he's not divorced, just separated? Oopsies.



Well I asked him which Starbucks he works at and it was one hour away, so we slowed down on the whole 'It's Kassidy's birthday and we just drank a margarita, we should go meet Paige's Tinder Single Father of 2 Boyfriend!'

So that didn't happen, thank God, but I did get matched with more guys because duh, I'm really pretty.








I do feel kind of bad because my picture is the one good picture I've ever taken my entire life and it's like hey guys, I'm actually on medication for my acne??????????? so hey.

But I did get matched with a guy and one of our mutual friends is my ex-boyfriend, so that's fun. Like, do I mention that to him???????? Whatever. Our conversation didn't last long, so it doesn't matter.

The worst part of Tinder — JK, I'm about to list A LOT of bad things about Tinder so here I go:

  • When you swipe right for a guy and then it doesn't pop up that y'all are a match, so you're like OH, I'M SORRY. AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH FOR YOU.
  • When a friend/crush/anyone in the world texts you that they just saw you on Tinder and you're like hahahahaha I'm researching it for a blog because I'm Carrie Bradshaw in my head minus the apartment and affair with a married ex-boyfriend.



  • When you swipe left too soon and you're like, DANG. Why did I do that? I shouldn't judge everyone just by one picture.
  • When you're one margarita deep and you swipe right for a 19-year-old.

  • When the only guys who ever message you are stoners and you're like, I get it. I would want to be stoned too if I was talking to me.

  • Everything.
I swiped right for this guy because beard.



I matched with this guy and I think I'm in love based on just what he looks like and the fact that he's an aspiring actor, so he's probably unemployed. I can respect that.

Except he wasn't messaging me, so sometimes you just have to take action into your own hands.

UPDATE: he just asked me five of my favorite things like i'm freaking fraulein maria. powered donuts was my no. 1 because duh.

Too forward??????????

THE GUYS YOU WANT ARE NEVER AVAILABLE, WHILE I HAVE ASSHOLES MESSAGING ME.

interesting thing to admit, but i respect your honesty????????
I like to read the guys' bios before swiping left or right. Are they funny? Do we have mutual interests or friends? What do they do for a living? Do they mention their height? Do they realize I once dated hung out screw it, I was a guy's rebound who I called Angry Elf? Height isn't an issue at this point.

he's a hair stylist????? funny. because i love feminine men.
i made it seven words in and was like what just happened. 
A trend I have noticed on Tinder is guys like to hike. They want a girl who likes to hike and I'm like do you mean hiking up the wheelchair ramp to get my morning donuts?????? Hahahahaha. That was a really good joke and you've probably never heard one like it before.

But speaking of telling jokes, I came across Jonathan and let me tell you. Jonathan pissed me off from the beginning. His bio said he was an astronaut or something like that. This is what happened after that.


I WAS LIKE THANK YOU FOR THINKING I WAS THAT STUPID, JONATHAN. ugh. Our relationship didn't last long.

The bio ranges from really stupid to really, really, really weird. Like, why.

can u not.
And then sometimes you're forced to answer the age-old question: Which came first? The chicken or the egg????????? 


This is such a sick joke from hell. All of it.

5 comments:

  1. I think you're being a little ... Tender.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

    This is an excellent blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree...I'm more interested in a person's spirit, heart and soul...I thought he was perfect looking in Tudors, Laguna And Cold Light of Day. Read More about OKCupid

    ReplyDelete