Thursday, November 13, 2014

I've never accidentally texted the wrong person except all the time

I've never accidentally texted the wrong person except for every day when I do it and it's always the worst thing to ever happen to me.

RAZR Wrong
Flashback to 2009 when RAZR phones were still a thing. REMEMBER RAZR PHONES?! REMEMBER WHEN EVERY WHITE GIRL AND THEIR DOG HAD A PINK RAZR PHONE AND IT WAS BASIC AF?! Also, remember when I had mine (it was black. I'm not basic) until sophomore year of college aka 2010?! That should not be socially acceptable, which would explain a lot of things about me.

Texting on a RAZR was hard. You couldn't just punch a button to get the S you wanted. You had to click that 7 four times. FOUR TIMES. It was exhausting, tedious, and everything else horrible.

Also complicated about texting on the RAZR: You wrote the message and then decided who it went to.

My text: If I never see ______ and her family again, it will be too soon.

That blank space had a name in it. Obviously. A name I'm not going to repeat for the sake of a blog post. But because I had typed her first AND last name, I had her on the brain. That's why I'm fingers and thumb scrolled to her name in my phone book and she received that message.

Hahahahahahaha. Murder me.

I played it off somehow, but we're not really friends anymore. So.

iPhone Wrong
Flash forward to 2014 when I no longer have a RAZR phone (but am still for the most part socially unacceptable), but apparently iPhone 4s are still an issue for me.

Let me paint the scene for you.

It's cold. I'm in a Starbucks in Forney, Texas with Kassidy. I'm being a white girl and drinking out of a red cup, while scrolling Facebook on my phone. My thumb suddenly stops when I see something of importance. It was so important, it demanded an emergency phone call to a person on my favorites list. Let's just say it had to do with a person of the opposite gender and a lady friend and I was like, oh, you didn't act like you had a lady friend last time I saw you, which was yesterday, but maybe we act different when we're in relationships, I don't know. My friend's last words were, "Send me a screenshot." We hung up the phone and I went to my photos album and sent the screenshot.

You may wonder why I went the route of going to my photos first and not the text message conversation. My iPhone 4 is a piece of crap and anytime I try to send a photo that way, it doesn't load. This forces me to send a photo the other way.

I sent the picture.

10 minutes later, my friend texts me and says, "SEND ME THE PHOTO!"

My heart stopped.

Who did I send that screenshot to?

I tossed my phone to Kassidy because I couldn't do it. I couldn't look. It was like when your professor hands back your biology test and you know you did horrible on it and also I've never took a biology class in college, but I imagine it would be bad. crap, I said.

I think I used a different word and I don't think I "said" anything. I maybe yelled a bad word in a crowded Starbucks, but I don't know because I think I blacked out at this point.

My heart stopped and my eyes started watering. Kassidy started laughing. A nervous, you-just-screwed-up-your-entire-life laugh.

We had to go into crisis communications mode to make it look like I wasn't crazy. He was the crazy one. I'm not crazy.

We think it was achieved, but who the heck knows.

Computer Wrong
Do you text on your computer? It's fun. You can do it in meetings and your boss thinks you're googling things and if you accidentally laugh at something your friend sends you, you can just say, 'Did you see this Google homepage today?! Hilarious!' Everything will continue to be normal. Life hacks from PMS.

But texting on your laptop is tricky and not something for the weak. This is only for the strong and powerful because mixing up texting windows is easy to do.

Example. Katie sent a group of dumb white girls a test question on a practice exam:

This could have been a lot worse. Do you understand?

Group Texting Wrong
Group texting is also hard because if you're like me you have 101 group texts at any given time. And sometimes the only difference between two of the groups is one person is one and in the other, that person is out.

Example. Cayla included me instead of Katie in a group text about my surprise birthday dinner:

The group text I was not a part of but was sent after the surprise birthday dinner:

DON'T MULTITASK AND GROUP TEXT. Don't multitask and do anything.

Don't be me. Think before texting.

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