Monday, December 15, 2014

Basic TV is basic and bad

I don't have cable. Have I mentioned that? It's kind of the end of the world for PMS.

Sometimes it's not a problem, like when I watch Kelly and Michael and Wendy Williams and TMZ.



But when it comes evening time, it is actually kind of worse than any torture a terrorist could ever go through.

I watched Undercover Boss last night and what. the. eff. Like, what the actual eff did I watch on TV. I don't even know. I'm still so distraught. I actually sometimes believe The Hills is real, but there is no way in hail any part of Undercover Boss was real. No way. I didn't want to watch it, but my other options were football or The Simpsons and LOL no.



But I did watch Barb Wa-Wa's 10 Most Fascinating People special and I actually kind of dislike Barbara Walters a lot. I don't really get it. I don't understand how she can be viewed as such a great broadcast journalist when I don't understand a damn things she's saying. I once read a book by her and I got two chapters in and it was stupid. One chapter was about how to talk to black people and it was basically something like, don't mention they're black. I feel like I could be making most of this up, but PTBWBS is real. post traumatic barbara walters book syndrome bye

ANYWAY, I watched that show I basically endured that show long enough to see Taylor Swift AND THEN RIGHT BEFORE SHE CAME ON, MY TV WENT OUT. THE TV WENT OUT. Every channel was working except channel 8. I moved around the cable box thing. I hit the TV. I cussed. I'm like a dude and sports when it comes to Taylor Swift. I was so mad. Kassidy hid in her room. I pushed Winston aside and stormed out of the living room. I. WAS. SO MAD.



*I watched a clip on YouTube this morning, and one of her voiceover sentences was, "Taylor Swift had a song you just couldn't shake off, Shake It Off." This woman is an award-winning journalist????????



And then, when I thought I couldn't get madder (is that a word, i'm a journalist), I woke up this morning to discover AMAL CLOONEY WAS NAMED MOST FASCINATING AND I WAS LIKE I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I MARRIED A CLOSETED GAY MAN. RENEE ZELWEGGER SHOULD BE NAMED IT TOO FOR MARRYING KENNY CHESNEY BEFORE REALIZING HE'S LIGHT IN THE LOAFERS i'm just mad.

Like, honest to God, Amal Clooney???? Amal Clooney???? I don't even know what to say, so I keep typing her name and adding question marks hoping the right words will come to me.

who r u.

Also: You're Barbara Walters. People respect you. You got Justin Timberlake to admit a lot of things in 2003. Do not sit there and ask Taylor Swift softball questions. Ask her the important things, like:

1. What do your parents think about your deeply personal lyrics?



2. Will you ever write a book one day?

3. Do you think self-absored guys only date you so you will write a song about them?

4. Does Harry Styles really drive without headlights?

5. Do you remember paginaskinner?

srry.

DON'T SIT THERE AND ASK HER ABOUT HER SECRET SESSIONS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME.

Barb Wa-Wa, I don't like you and I'm just mad.

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