Monday, December 8, 2014

We went to an Aaron Carter concert: Happy Pearl Harbor Day

I don't even know. I don't even know.

Augusta ( and I went to an Aaron Carter concert last night because what else do you do on Sundays besides go to church and then go to an AC concert. Paige actually forced her 4 closest Dallas besties and by 4, I mean I’m the only one that ended up going and it’s fine.

We had an extra ticket because one of our smarter friends decided not to go last minute. I made it a point to invite Paige’s ungodly hot neighbor. So we did what any normal humans would do and knocked on his door at 9 P.M. with wine, and said “HAPPY PEARL HARBOR DAY WE’RE CELEBRATING!!!”

It’s obvious he wouldn’t say yes to AC, so I took it upon myself to lie to him in front of God and everyone. “WE’RE GOING TO A WEEZER CONCERT AND YOU’RE COMING WITH!!!!!!” with bottle of wine in hand.

He said no. because he is a communist who doesn’t love Weezer.

Paige and I had just eaten a grand Italian meal in Plano/Canada, but that didn’t stop us from pre-gaming the concert with wine and Krispy Kremes. God bless Texas.

At the concert
We arrived at House of Blues at 9:45 p.m CST. because he was supposed to come on at 10. We also had 45 panic attacks when we arrived, afraid he had already gone on stage. We walked into the House of Blues without anybody checking our tickets. We walked in with glasses from our home. It’s still in my purse as we write this.

We met two girls at the bar. One of them had Aaron’s cellphone number because she had DMed him something on Twitter that is worthy of getting his attention. I don’t need to go into details. I think we all know what I’m talking about. Oh you know.

Ok, ok, ok, so that’s how this night is going to go. Ok then, we said.

There were about 60 people there to see Aaron that night. I would have said like 30 but ok. All of them were there as a joke. Every time he finished one of his new songs, someone would yell “I Want Candy!” That someone would sometimes be me.

And when he wasn’t playing his new stuff (a song called “What’s Up” and another called “Girlfriend”), he did play “Aaron’s Party” and “I Want Candy.” So that was nice.

There was no “How I Beat Shaq” but he warned us of that.

paige waiting for ac.

We really wanted people to read our blogs
At some point in the night, we got the bright idea to tell everyone about our blogs. So Augusta reached for in her purse, pulled out her prayer journal and began writing “” and “” on pieces of paper and handing them to people.
            It was the sabbath, so I obvi had my “notes during church” book with me. When Paige and I mentioned that to Don (Aaron’s drummer), he didn’t believe me, so I had to do the right thing and read him a passage out of the journal. John 3:30 to be exact. You’re welcome, everyone.

Who got one: Girl who had Aaron’s number/Don the Drummer/the tour bus’s windshield/a birthday present opening act Austin Porter was giving to Aaron. We slipped it in there, so hopefully Aaron is reading all of this right now.
            Hi, Aaron.

We failed several times while trying to get on the tour bus
While we were waiting outside, chatting with Don the Drummer, a gaggle of girls (love that phrase) came out of the venue and boarded onto the bus. They were in a line and they were all wearing VIP badges around their neck. Augusta and I wanted on the bus. So I got behind the last girl in line and was just going to follow her in. As I was about to climb the first step onto the bus, the girl in front of me closed the door on me. Ok then. I think there’s enough Aaron to go around.

We went to Hooters don’t ask questions
After the 3-minute long concert, Aaron had to pay attention to the idiots girls who paid absurd amounts of doll hairs to talk to him. While he had his “meet and greet,” Paige and I did the only natural thing there was to do.

Go take a shot at the nearby Hooters until he was done. And ask for applications.

We walked straight to the bar (filled with old men sitting alone #merica), and ordered two lemon drops. Boobs McGee said “Sorry but I already called last call” and within .0983 of a second, and Paige and I simultaneously said different versions of “Oh we have to go” and aggressivley power-ass-walked away.

Half way to the door, some random man, I assume the manager, told the waitress to serve us drinks. BOOM. CLAP. Paige and I tangoed arm-in-arm back to the bar. I wish I was lying.

Boobs handed us two lemon drop shots …… WITH FREAKING LIMES. WHO DOES THAT. I MEAN I REMEMBER MY FIRST LEMON DROP SHOT. its fine we’re fine, as stressful as that was, we took the shot, and survived. Paige disappeard in the unisex bathroom for a period of time while Augusta made a new black friend, Antonio from Atlanta.

We left Hooters with a mission to meet Aaron, but met other blog-worthy characters instead.

We met a homeless man named Rodney
I gave him loose change in my purse and he told us (and by us I mean me, Paige, high schoolers, and their parents) about the tallest building in Dallas and the Omni. ok.

We met a famous male teen
We met Austin Porter and he told us he was 10 times better than Austin Mahone (And I have no idea who either Austins are). We got a hug from Austin Porter and I held on tight and he became uncomfortable. Paige said, “this feels good. this feels right.”

This is where our new teen-friends left us. High school is hard. Does this make them our frenemies. or is that not a cool word anymore. idk how it works now. #CurfewsAreHard

We met Don the Drummer
Don the Drummer made up for what Aaron lacked. AKA giving us attention, being a cute black guy, telling us we’re funny, and being overly fascinated by how overly normal we were.

Augusta's first words to him were: "We actually like chocolate better than we like Aaron." Oh, ok then. That's how we're starting off this conversation. We talked with Don the Drummer a lot. About life, love, the pursuit of Aaron Carter. He made us pinky promise we wouldn't write some things. Censorship is real, y'all.

Don the Drummer asked us what we do for fun: we said go to the movies and blog.            going to movies alone, that is.

“Oh so y’all are like normal girls,” he asked, confused. What else would we be??? 

Paige was telling him all night that she was a Victoria’s Secret Angel, so it’s like what do you really think she is an angel, like what, yes we are normal what do you want from us. she’s not an angel. i’m sorry. like paige is from Garland, America. She is the MOST normal girl an L.A. drummer could possibly meet.

Later in the night, after we were being really funny, he asked if we were SNL writers, and at that we started dancing around him in circles like possessed indian rain dancers.

He asked if we were SNL writers. Like, it's fine. We’ll never talk about that ever again unless anyone ever mentions SNL, drummer, black guy, House of Blues, or anything remotely pertaining to the night, then we’ll mention how AC’s drummer thought we should be SNL writers. #IFWF

Paige knows nothing about hip-hop

While Augusta and Don the Drummer were talking about Kendrick Lamar and 2 Chainz and Drake and other black rappers I know nothing about, I chimed in and said, “But do you like Taylor Swift or Rod Stewart?” Me mentioning Taylor Swift is nothing new, but me asking about Rod Stewart is a little strange, considering the only song I know by him is titled “Maggie.” Don the Drummer thought I was an idiot. He promised me he would invite us to a KL concert if he does every become his drummer. SO HE BETTER. #SWIMMINGPOOLS <--- I literally don't understand that reference at all.

It was a night I will never forget and I have no ragrats. I would pay $19 for a ticket and eat a 9 P.M. Krispy Kreme all over again for #NoRagrats

also we spent like 87 years trying to format this blog to be the same font and size but we're stupid we're sorry

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