Saturday, January 3, 2015

My friend kissed a gay man from Tinder because dating is hard in 2015

*This blog is not about me. It's about a friend. No, seriously. It's not about me.*

So Tinder is horrible. Like, so bad. SO bad.

My friend, LET'S CALL HER PATRICIA BECAUSE WHY NOT, was on Tinder swiping right and left and chatting with young males.



But what is Tinder unless you actually meet them in person?

So Patricia decided to meet one of those males out on the town.



He texted Patricia to let her know he was in a blue pullover.

We headed out of the bathroom and the first male I spotted with a blue pullover, I asked if it was him. And it was.

He was with one other male. His other friend couldn't get in because his fake ID wasn't working.



HAHA, OH YEAH. This male turned 21 years old three months ago, but seriously, who is counting except for him because that's what he told Patricia.

So while Patricia and Tinder Boyfriend were getting to know each other, I made small talk with his friend.

"Oh, so y'all are friends?" -me
I don't know. I'm an introvert and small talk is hard for me, so I said the first thing that came to mind, but LUCKILY I DID ASK SAID QUESTION.

"No, he's my boyfriend." -friend

After he said that, I immediately grabbed Patricia and told her Becky needed to see us.



*Becky is a made-up person I created on the spot to help use get out of stressful/horrible/awkward/gay-boy situations.*

I told Patricia everything. I told everyone in earshot everything. PATRICIA'S TINDER BOYFRIEND WAS NOW PATRICIA'S GAY TINDER BOYFRIEND.

"But, Paige. If he was gay, why would he be on Tinder and why would he meet up with Patricia," you may be asking yourself right this very second.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTED. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE HE WANTED PATRICIA TO DONATE HER EGGS SO HE AND HIS BOYFRIEND COULD START A FAMILY AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 21.

After chatting and freaking out and telling everyone Patricia had been duped, GTB (Gay Tinder Boyfriend) texted her. That's when I grabbed the phone and texted this and I'm not even embarrassed or ashamed.


The boys then found us and tried to clear everything up.

"So, y'all aren't dating?" -me

"No." -GTB's friend

"How did y'all meet then?"

"Grinder."

*Silence*

"I'm kidding!"

"Ok."

"No, we just hooked up a couple of times."

*Silence*

"I'm kidding.................. kind of. If we did, I don't remember."

*Silence*

"I'M KIDDING."



I'M NOT LAUGHING. BECAUSE Y'ALL KIND OF GIVE ME THE GAY VIBES. Seriously, they did. And I love 'em a little gay. We all know this. This is not a secret. Can he identify your shade of makeup? That does not creep me out. That attracts me. But these guys just said, "We do not play for your team. Or we do. Because we like the same gender. So we're on the same team. But we won't be on the same team in life because we will never marry each other because I am gay and I do not like you." That's what I read.

But I've been wrong before (only like once), so who knows.

Patricia and GTB ended their night by kissing each other, so can everyone please send Patricia their thoughts. Dating Tinder is tough.

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