Monday, February 2, 2015

Working From Home

The other day I woke up because I felt someone staring at me.

It was Kassidy in a bath towel staring at me.

still shot of kk i captured.

I woke up and said, "Is there no hot water?"

No, she said. I'm kidding. She said a lot more words that are NSFW.

This happened around 7 a.m. but I wasn't up because I work from home and wake up whenever I want to.

I often tell people I work from my bed, which makes me sounds like a crazy (good) prostitute, but that is not the case. I'm just a freelance journalist. And I work on my laptop in bed all day long. Don't try to convince me to set up a desk and do it there because no.

It's hard. It's really hard being me. It's hard working from your bed because sometimes you're in the middle of writing a story or transcribing an interview and you just fall asleep, which is like, hey, this story is so boring to write, you should definitely read it when it's published. ANYWAYS, being alone for most of the day is tough. And, trust me, I like my alone time. I loooooove my alone time. And even I drive myself crazy.

By the time Kassidy gets home, all I want to do is chat and chat and chat. I want to watch TV with her. I want to go out to eat with her. I want to beg her to never leave me again.

I'm an introvert. Nobody ever believes me, but it's true. I'm inside my head all day and get my energy from being alone. But working from home is rough. Really, really rough.

I talk to Winston all day. I don't talk to him in my normal voice. I, of course, use my dog voice to talk to him because dogs only understand humans who speaks in a baby voice. I find a way to use the words he knows like, "potty," "do-do," "stay," and "no." I've made up an entire scenario about Winston and our neighbor's dog, June, and how they are in love. June's owners know nothing about this and if they knew how often I ask Winnie things like, "Do you miss June," they would file a restraining order. I also sing to Winnie. During Wendy Williams each morning, when the audience chants, "Wendy, Wendy, Wendy," I chant, "Winnie, Winnie, Winnie," and help.

I go to the park
The past few days in Dallas have been marvelous and I hate the outdoors. So I've taken advantage of it by taking Winston to the park (basically a large piece of grass). I still don't have a lot of human interaction, but at least I'm outside. There are two weed-smoking lesbians there most of the time and I'm like 1) Can y'all get a job and 2) Can I be y'all's friend? There were two homeless men there the other day and they didn't even try to speak to me, so yeah, even homeless men think I'm sad.

Once I've watched everything I need to watch for the day (Wendy Williams, TMZ, TMZ Live), then I sometimes turn on Netflix to help pass the time while working. I watched the Jodi Arias Lifetime movie twice in two days. TWICE IN TWO DAYS WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME. I just love it. I love the guy who plays Travis Alexander. He's attractive. I love how crazy Jodi is. I love how big of a douchebag Travis is. I love it all.

Judge Judy
OK, so sometimes I just never make it to Netflix and continue to watch channel 4 all day. And at 4 p.m. Judge Judy comes on and I honestly hate it so much. She's so mean. Not the sassy mean either like Wendy Williams. Just plain mean. And the other day, I was watching it and was crushing on the defendant. He was being sued by his mom because he left his apartment messy. I was like, ok, we've all been there. Anyway, he won, so yeah, at least I crush on winners.

kent hance favorited this tweet.

What are pants
I don't remember the last time I put on pants. I have nothing to complain about in this section of the blog because it really is nice. The man at Gap tried to sell me slacks the other day and I looked him straight in the eye and said, "No. I am not a slacks girl." It's probably the best part of my job.

I vacuum a lot during the day. It's a stress reliever for me. UberFacts tweeted the other day that people who work with pets around them are less stressed out and I'm like, who is working with pets around them besides people who work from home? And I still get stressed out. I GOT A FREAKIN COLD SORE THE OTHER DAY IF ANYONE WANTS TO MARRY ME. Anyway, when I'm waiting for a source to email/call/write me back, I typically vacuum. It's also fun seeing Winston so scared of it. Tehe.

I tweet a lot
When I have no one to talk to, I just tweet things and hope something sticks. And sometimes Josh Abbott tweets me and I'm like, can you sit down. I DIDN'T EVEN TAG HIM IN THE ORIGINAL TWEET AND HE STILL FOUND IT AND I WAS LIKE OK THEN.


Here is some advice from PMS (I should start an advice column?????): Don't work from home if you're an extrovert. If you're unsure which one you are, take an online quiz. Or ask me. I'm really good at knowing.

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