Tuesday, April 14, 2015

My thoughts on the first 30 minutes of season 5 premiere of GoT

*I would say there are some spoilers in this blog post but honestly my character descriptions are so bad, you won't know what's going on.*

I have never seen an episode of Game of Thrones in my life. If I had to envision what it’s like, I would imagine it’s like that Kate Upton commercial where she rides into the arena on a horse with a shield. Or that commercial with Britney Spears, Pink, and I think Beyonce. I think the commercial is selling Pepsi, but I’m not sure.

The point is I don’t know what to expect. People have told me it involves a lot of nudity and gore, so lol, kill me.

The season five season premiere starts out with two youngish girls walking and I like their hair. They have accents so I’m already disinterested because a British accent says I’m better than you and I don’t have time for that.

Omg they have braids and I like them.

“You don’t need to be afraid of my father,” one little girl says to the other little girl, which is scary because you should always be afraid of your friends’ fathers. One of my friend’s dad calls me a communist and he terrifies me.

Anyway, they are in a forest and they are headed inside kind of cave/swamp thing and I have no idea where this even takes place. I’m going to guess Louisiana but idk.

game of thrones set.

There is scary woman in the cave telling them to get out. She looks like Emily Blunt. Is she Emily Blunt.

Little girl said the mean looking woman is a witch who can see the future, so she’s the long island medium. Then they talk a little and now the little girl is cutting herself with a knife, which is the least gory thing ever, and I squirmed so this will be fun.

Witch is predicting the future and says little girl will be queen even though she won’t marry the prince, so yay feminism, I guess.

“The king will have 20 children, you will have three,” says Emily Blunt. “That doesn’t make sense,” says the little girl. WHAT DON’T YOU GET. HE GON CHEAT ON YOU. WAKE UP.

Oh now I think that was all a flashback and now she is living her life as a queen I think. She still has braids.

Now there’s a dead guy and a guy is guarding it and I’m like wow wonder what he gets paid.
Oh I think they are sister and brother and they are arguing right in front of their dead father, this is so the Kardashians. After male Bruce Jenner died, Kim and Rob are so not getting along, so like I get this. I get it. We get it.

Omg no midget no. There is a midget on my screen and no one told me this show had midgets. I do have a slight fear of little people and one time I told my fourth grade teacher that and she got mad at me and I was like k, thanks for making me feel bad about my phobia.

The midget was in a crate, so he’s Winston. It’s a bald guy and midget having a discussion and this has Fox sitcom written all over it.

“The future is shit, just like the past.” –the midget. Oh. Why is that no one’s Instagram caption?


Ok, some big statue just fell and my roommate gasped, so like, we are upset, I guess.

Now there is a black woman and male and they are getting naked and ugh. There are also subtitles and I did not sign up for this ish. I already watched Passion of the Christ this week, so I think I worked enough.


Oh now there is a really pretty blonde girl, so maybe she was the little girl from the beginning because she’s also wearing braids.

“She’s a bad bitch,” says my roommate and tbh idk if that’s a good or bad thing.

Now there is a guy with curly hair and I see him on all the talk shows. And by that I mean, he was on Kelly and Michael the other day. He is sword fighting with a little boy. This show. So many characters. I can’t keep up.

More characters. help.

Now there’s this elevator thing and curly haired guy and pale Angelina Jolie-looking woman are going up. She is saying things with an accent and I don’t understand but I think she is trying to make a move on him. Now there is snow??????? Why did we change climates??????

I think he just said “the men of the nights” and it sounded like Mennonites, so.

A bunch of old white guys just offered the curly haired guy something.

Now two random people are sword fighting and it reminds me of that scene in Parent Trap when Lindsay Lohan is sword fighting with herself and I’m reminded how much I love that movie and how much I love Dennis Quaid and I think that rant video is fake.

game of thrones.

Ok, so I’m still watching Game of Thrones.

There are two people talking and I thought the person with the short blonde hair was a man but I think it’s a woman so just forget everything at this point. I officially have no idea what’s going on.

I only made it 30 minutes in and I can't decide if I'm going to watch the other 30 minutes tomorrow. Prayers during this difficult time.

Monday, April 13, 2015

100th Post

This is my 100th blog post on Just PMSing.

100. ONE HUNDRED. ONE ZERO ZERO. If I write 500 words for each post, that's 50,000 words. Fifty thousand. If I spent one hour on each post (I don't), that's 100 hours. That's about four days. FOUR DAYS OF BLOGGING ABOUT THE DUGGARS and/or my life and/or my roommate's dog.

Blogging is hard. It's difficult. Coming up with things people want to read about it not easy. For every successful post I have, there's one where someone gets their panties in a wad or one that gets, like, no views.

me when my jessa and ben wedding recap got no love.

Even though this is my 100th published post, there are still plenty of posts sitting in my drafts folder. 29 to be exact. So if you've ever read a post on here and thought, wow that was stupid, just think. There are 29 stupider ones that I haven't published.

Drafts include:
$2 margarita Wednesdays (help)
Long-distance relationships (lol help)
7th Heaven (like the TV show. My life is tragic)
Living in Uptown (help)
Christmas music (seriously help)
My worst jobs (sos)
An in-depth look at Taylor Swift's 1989 album (tragic)

You get it. We get it. I get it. There's a reason those posts never saw the light of day. Because they probably suck.

Some notable people have read this blog, like:
Klyde Warren's mother
Sean Lowe
Kent Hance
NOT my grandmother, even though my mom wanted to send it to her and I was like can you actually not.

I get really nice notes from complete strangers about how much they enjoy this blog and it's insane to me. I screenshot all of them and save them in a nice little folder because I <3 words of affirmation.

i have never said that.

But in honor of the 100th post, I am giving away a JUST PMSING KOOZIE. Yes, after much deliberation, I decided to go with a koozie instead of a shirt with my face on it.

All you have to do is subscribe to my blog. The box shouldn't be that hard to find. I will then randomly choose someone and then ask for your address and then mail you the dang koozie. You will drink pink wine out of the koozie. You will enjoy yourself. All of your friends will see your koozie and ask about it. You will say, go to this random girl's blog. They will laugh. You will laugh. Together, y'all will drunk read this blog.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Man! I Feel Like A Woman, I Guess.

So last night I was sitting at home, minding my own business, watching Passion of the Christ. I turned it off after my favorite scene when Jesus splashes Mary with the water and I'm all like HAHA JESUS YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

Then I watched the only logical choice next, which was Crossroads with Britney Spears.

lol @ my life

As I'm watching it and thinking dang, was Britney Spears ever attractive or like we were all just blinded by her abs, Sarah comes over. We watch the scene where Britney and the gang sang I Love Rock N Roll and we're all like let's go karaoking!

So we did. The only place I know that has karaoke is Addison Point, which is a hell hole in Addison but I freaking heart it.

We arrive, sit at the bar, and scope out the place.

We are totally going to sing karaoke. We are confident, young women, who love to have a good time on a Friday night and we love America and freedom and life and let's do this.

We decided to sing Man! I Feel Like A Woman. It was early in the night and honestly idk what we were thinking.

We decided Sarah would do most of the singing while I would dominate on the stage presence part.

Our names were called and we began singing. We were singing. We were dancing. We were owning the freaking place.

The crowd was into it. They were into us. They were cheering and pointing. We were grinning. Singing and grinning.

At one point, I'm not kidding, I look and see a guy pointing and grunting. I think, omg, everyone is so into our performance. Should we move to hollywood? I'm the next American Idol. Why did no one tell me I should be a rock star. Is this what JLo feels like?

Then the crowd erupted in a loud cheer and we looked behind us to see the Mavs game was on. And they had just scored.

Sarah and I walked back to our seats. Literally humiliated.

We sat back down at the bar and I met a black guy with a championship ring on his finger. I'm like I LOVE SPORTS! WHAT IS THAT FOR and he wouldn't tell me. It was weird. It could have been Kobe or T.O. or literally any black athlete in the world and I have no idea so sorry everyone.

Then Sarah tells me we need to mingle with the people of Addison Point. We walked up to one table and you know when you walk up to a table of guys and make a joke that doesn't go over well and then all of their girlfriends swarm around them and start hugging and kissing them and playing with their hair? Neither do I because that did not happen to us.

So then we went to another table with two guys seated there, having an intense conversation. We break the ice like the polar bears that we are with this question:

Did you watch the birth.

Did you watch the birth. They were confused. We were giggling. Then we said the GIRAFFE BIRTH, SILLIES and they laughed. You know, the Dallas Zoo showed some giraffe giving birth live like anyone in America cares. Anyway, they were like omg these girls are so funny, who are they. Then we sat down and chatted with them and then somehow convinced one guy to do karaoke.

fascinating. show me more.


We'll call the guy who stopped me John Michael because that was his name. Also he somehow found me on Facebook, so lol hi John Michael if you're reading this.

He asks me to sing a karaoke song with him and suggests 22 and I'm like how did you know that I dedicate my entire existence to Taylor Swift????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


So while we're waiting for our turn to karaoke, I headed back to the table with the two guys when all of a sudden THREE GUYS CALL ME OVER TO THEIR TABLE. I went over because I'm a people pleaser. These three guys were weird and not funny and one guy's actual occupation was a valet parker which is like whatever but then he tells me he doesn't even speed when he gets in the car and I'm like k so you're a liar.

Then John Michael buys me a shot and quotes Revelations, like Revelations in the Bible and I'm like k?????????????????????

So then when it was our turn, we went and sang Blank Space because 22 was not an option. People were like two-stepping to the song and I was like can you actually not. I guess John Michael and I were so good at what we were doing because the karaoke man turned off our mics??????????

*there is a video of this but over my actual dead body*

The song ended and John Michael is all like are you really single and I'm all like kind of not really idk it's complicated except not really it's just hard etc and he's like ok well when that doesn't work out, call me and i'm like ohhhhh. John Michael is a confident mister.


Idk if it was my converse or my denim shirt or what but the men loved me last night and I was like can y'all not, I just want Jack in the Box.

I headed back over to the two guys with Sarah and literally, she kept losing a ring she was calling a baby ring. It was small and one of the guys was like, it's not a wedding right, right??????? So if a guys asks if you are married, then he's interested, right?????? More on that in like five seconds, but Sarah kept losing her baby ring and she kept having all these men get on their knees to look for it and I was like k.

So after the lights come on in the bar and the bartenders are like GET OUT, I called the Uber because I'm a responsible adult. The baby ring guys gets Sarah her number etc etc etc AND THEN TEXTS HER AND THEN TELLS HER HE'S SEEING SOMEONE AND I'M LIKE OK THANKS FOR YOUR HONESTY WHEN IT'S TOO LATE. AT LEAST I TOLD JOHN MICHAEL TO HIS FACE BECAUSE I'M AN UPSTANDING HUMAN BEING. k.

We Ubered home. Ed was our driver. His wife is Rona and one day Rona adopted a child for them without telling him and I was like hahahahahaha Ed, you need to not with that.

We got home and we are alive. Blessings.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Jessa Duggar Got Married And You're Still Single




I went over to my parents' house for Easter and tried watching Jessa and Ben's wedding there. I got about 40 minutes in (right before they were pronounced husband and wife) when my dad made me turn it off.

Daddy issues, amirite???????????????????????????????????

And I've tried watching it someway somehow since then, but ultimately gave up. I watched some clips online but not the whole thing. I'm tired of waiting so here's my halfass recap. Enjoy.

The start of the episode is Jessa and Ben sitting down with their pastor and he asks if there's anything stopping them from getting married the following day. They of course say no because duh.

SIDE ACTUAL NOTE: Had a dream last night that there were five forgotten Duggars who the family disowned. There was Joanie, who was a lesbian, there were three other girls who were quadruplets with Jinger. They joined a punk band but still wore the long denim skirts. And then there was this older autistic male brother, who married into a couple. Like he was married to the husband and wife.

ANYWAY. The preacher talks about how they are saving their first kiss for marriage and how it isn't a command in the Bible to do so but they are choosing to do it anyway blah blah blah.

"It's not too hard. You kids will figure it out." -Jim Bob. It's what he says all the time. And then he kisses Michelle. And then she pops out another baby. And then we kill ourselves.

Then the producers interview all the kids and have them use one word to describe Jessa and Ben's relationship.






Peace of mind- a random boy I have never seen before

Sierra is the wedding planner and she was the wedding planner for Jill and Derick, too. So she has a death wish. They sent out 800 invitations to this wedding and are expecting 1,300 people to show up. Let's talk about wedding now that we're on the subject.

Moving on.

The wedding planner is trying to make Jessa's dream of shabby chic come to life. I don't know what that means but it sounds like they are just trying to DIY the crap out of everything and make it look nice.

The wedding rehearsal is the size of an actual wedding but that's because they have 98 siblings between the two of them. They eat ice cream instead of cake because Jessa is trying to be unique and different.


Jinger gives a speech and cries and it is actually sad because you can tell Jessa is the only one she likes. Especially since her three quadruplet sisters went off and joined a punk band without her. HAHA DREAMS ARE WEIRD.

While Jinger is giving the speech or something, Jessa and Ben drink out of the same cup. And I guess I'm just confused. YOU CAN'T HUG BUT YOU CAN DRINK OUT OF THE SAME CUP???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? YOU ARE BASICALLY SWAPPING SALVIA RIGHT NOW?????????????????????? WHERE IS YOUR CHAPERONE???????????????

So then the next day is the wedding and Jessa and Ben are all like, hahaha we are different we are totally going to see each other the day of the wedding and I'm Jessa and I'm going to do Ben's hair for him because I'm a good fiance and hahaha this is so much fun.

Then Jessa gets in her dress and I don't like what I'm about to say.


It's actually gorgeous. Like stunning. And I hate weddings and I hate wedding dresses and I hate America. But this dress is beautiful. It's not white, which is funny because I don't know if you've noticed but virgins never seem to wear white wedding dresses. It's always the hookers in the bright white dresses and you're like mhm.

Anyway, she walks down the aisle and that's when my dad made me turn it off.

So I'm relying on a clip.

They decided not to kiss in front of everyone because it was their first kiss and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Like, yes, please make me come to this wedding and sit through your personal vows but I don't even get to see the awkward first kiss. I would be mad. And rumor has it that Jim Bob was mad. Apparently he freaked out but then begged TLC to make it look like he knew what was happening all along.

But idk idk. I'm glad Jessa and Ben didn't want to kiss in front of us. That was nice of them. THREE WEEKS LATER...

he looks comfortable.

So they were pronounced husband and wife and then they RAN out of the room because when you've waited a year to kiss, those extra few minutes will actually kill you.

So they ran to a coatroom, I'm assuming and kissed and touched each other and idk idk idk.

That's all I saw. I also watched another clip where the family predicted what was in store for Jessa and Ben and YOU. WILL. NEVER. GUESS. WHAT. THEY. SAID.

"Family predicts what's in store for Jessa and Ben and the answers will shock you." -BuzzFeed

They predicted kids because lol what else is Jessa good for besides popping out babies.

I hate this show.

Josie word count this episode until I stopped watching: 23 words too many