Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Jessa Duggar Got Married And You're Still Single




I went over to my parents' house for Easter and tried watching Jessa and Ben's wedding there. I got about 40 minutes in (right before they were pronounced husband and wife) when my dad made me turn it off.

Daddy issues, amirite???????????????????????????????????

And I've tried watching it someway somehow since then, but ultimately gave up. I watched some clips online but not the whole thing. I'm tired of waiting so here's my halfass recap. Enjoy.

The start of the episode is Jessa and Ben sitting down with their pastor and he asks if there's anything stopping them from getting married the following day. They of course say no because duh.

SIDE ACTUAL NOTE: Had a dream last night that there were five forgotten Duggars who the family disowned. There was Joanie, who was a lesbian, there were three other girls who were quadruplets with Jinger. They joined a punk band but still wore the long denim skirts. And then there was this older autistic male brother, who married into a couple. Like he was married to the husband and wife.

ANYWAY. The preacher talks about how they are saving their first kiss for marriage and how it isn't a command in the Bible to do so but they are choosing to do it anyway blah blah blah.

"It's not too hard. You kids will figure it out." -Jim Bob. It's what he says all the time. And then he kisses Michelle. And then she pops out another baby. And then we kill ourselves.

Then the producers interview all the kids and have them use one word to describe Jessa and Ben's relationship.






Peace of mind- a random boy I have never seen before

Sierra is the wedding planner and she was the wedding planner for Jill and Derick, too. So she has a death wish. They sent out 800 invitations to this wedding and are expecting 1,300 people to show up. Let's talk about wedding now that we're on the subject.

Moving on.

The wedding planner is trying to make Jessa's dream of shabby chic come to life. I don't know what that means but it sounds like they are just trying to DIY the crap out of everything and make it look nice.

The wedding rehearsal is the size of an actual wedding but that's because they have 98 siblings between the two of them. They eat ice cream instead of cake because Jessa is trying to be unique and different.


Jinger gives a speech and cries and it is actually sad because you can tell Jessa is the only one she likes. Especially since her three quadruplet sisters went off and joined a punk band without her. HAHA DREAMS ARE WEIRD.

While Jinger is giving the speech or something, Jessa and Ben drink out of the same cup. And I guess I'm just confused. YOU CAN'T HUG BUT YOU CAN DRINK OUT OF THE SAME CUP???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? YOU ARE BASICALLY SWAPPING SALVIA RIGHT NOW?????????????????????? WHERE IS YOUR CHAPERONE???????????????

So then the next day is the wedding and Jessa and Ben are all like, hahaha we are different we are totally going to see each other the day of the wedding and I'm Jessa and I'm going to do Ben's hair for him because I'm a good fiance and hahaha this is so much fun.

Then Jessa gets in her dress and I don't like what I'm about to say.


It's actually gorgeous. Like stunning. And I hate weddings and I hate wedding dresses and I hate America. But this dress is beautiful. It's not white, which is funny because I don't know if you've noticed but virgins never seem to wear white wedding dresses. It's always the hookers in the bright white dresses and you're like mhm.

Anyway, she walks down the aisle and that's when my dad made me turn it off.

So I'm relying on a clip.

They decided not to kiss in front of everyone because it was their first kiss and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Like, yes, please make me come to this wedding and sit through your personal vows but I don't even get to see the awkward first kiss. I would be mad. And rumor has it that Jim Bob was mad. Apparently he freaked out but then begged TLC to make it look like he knew what was happening all along.

But idk idk. I'm glad Jessa and Ben didn't want to kiss in front of us. That was nice of them. THREE WEEKS LATER...

he looks comfortable.

So they were pronounced husband and wife and then they RAN out of the room because when you've waited a year to kiss, those extra few minutes will actually kill you.

So they ran to a coatroom, I'm assuming and kissed and touched each other and idk idk idk.

That's all I saw. I also watched another clip where the family predicted what was in store for Jessa and Ben and YOU. WILL. NEVER. GUESS. WHAT. THEY. SAID.

"Family predicts what's in store for Jessa and Ben and the answers will shock you." -BuzzFeed

They predicted kids because lol what else is Jessa good for besides popping out babies.

I hate this show.

Josie word count this episode until I stopped watching: 23 words too many

1 comment:

  1. Listen I laughed when you said be different and get a job but then I stopped laughing because I hate my job and being a dependent baby-making housewife sounds awesome so yeah. I'm crying now.