Monday, May 11, 2015

Things Bruce Jenner Will Have To Deal With As A White Female

Being a white girl is ~hard~

And yay, Bruce Jenner, whatever, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, THIS ISN'T ABOUT BRUCE. This is about me. This is about us. THE POOR WHITE GIRLS.

Once Bruce becomes a woman and finds himself at a baby shower eating melted Snickers from a diaper, I guarantee she will regret everything. THIS IS WHAT WOMAN DO, she will ask herself.

Other tragic things only white girls experience:

  • Hearing "You're funny for a girl."
  • Being asked if you're on your period when you're eating ice cream
  • Being called basic if you walk into Starbucks
  • Seeing UGGS and wanting them
  • Dancing to Beyonce and then have three black girls come and show you up (this has never happened to me, omg, why would you think that)
  • Going to a party where you buy lingerie for your friend who is about to get married
  • Spending $100 at Ulta on makeup and then having a guy tell you he likes you best fresh faced and you're like k.
  • Having to shave your legs before you get a pedicure omg it's so hard you guys
  • Owning five LBDs and having nothing to wear
  • Having to stand in line for the bathroom
  • Being forced to hear drunk girls cry in a bar bathroom
  • Having to pretend to like another woman's engagement ring
  • Pretending you can't eat an entire pizza on your own because you are a ~dainty lady~
  • Watching makeup tutorials on YouTube and liking it
  • Learning how to contour
  • Pretending to like salads with the dressing on the side
  • Trying not to be insulted when the waiter asks if you want a skinny margarita or a diet coke. 
  • Shopping for a cute outfit that says I am fun, buy me a shot, but also I am employed
  • Getting catcalled and pretending to hate it but when it doesn't happen, you're secretly pissed
  • Pretending to like your friend's husband
  • Pretending to think your friend's child is cute
  • Pretending to like children
  • Pretending you would never get lip fillers like Kylie Jenner
  • Acting like you can take any shot handed to you and then throwing up in the bathroom
  • Spending $40 on underwear at Victoria's Secret and that's when they are on sale
  • Stressing over your Facebook profile picture. Something that says I'm fun but also I am employed
  • Keeping your apartment clean and not living like a frat guy, omg my apartment is so clean, don't look at me.
  • Crying while watching A Walk To Remember because you just want a bad guy to turn good for you
  • Asking your friends what he meant by "lol" 
  • Having a guy text you "lol"
  • Getting a raise from your boss and your friends asking what in the world you did to get it, you know what I mean.

Go Bruce go. Do you, idc. Good luck. Call me when these things happen.

1 comment: