Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Why I'm The World's Best Wing-Woman

Because I am so insane the guy is just naturally attracted to my friend instead of me.

It's a win-win for everyone.

But I'm guessing you came here for examples. So here it goes.

What are they?
After, like, four dates, it's common for two people to wonder what exactly their relationship is. That's where PMS comes into play. I was wing-womaning for a friend, when another friend came up to me and the male and said, "How do we know him?" I said, "He's courting my friend."


Because why not use Duggar terminology in the middle of the bar.

Tay Swift lyrics
It's also very important to remind the male what exactly can happen when you enter a relationship. So after saying that he was courting her, I said, "It's gonna last forever or it's gonna go down in flames." It's just healthy to remind everyone involved that all relationships either end in marriage or destruction.

It's my rose now
Earlier in the night (have I mentioned none of this is real, I'm just making all of this up, I would never do any of this), my friend's courter had bought her a rose from a woman on the street. Well, I quickly took it and decided to give it out to potential suitors in the bar. I pretended I was on The Bachelorette and shockingly, this male played along.

I don't know why I chose him. He has muscles and we all know that's not PMS's type.

Let's play a game
Games are fun and everyone loves games except if you don't, and I actually really don't. But my friend's man and I got to talking about people we both knew and I started calling everyone gay. I then pulled up our mutual Facebook friends and went down the list and started listing off all of his friends who I thought was gay. He went silent after the third friend.

My traditional goodbye
The best way to say goodbye to someone is by pinching their nipple. This makes people think you are crazy 10/10 times. So crazy that they then look at the woman they are courting and thank God above for her.

You're welcome, everyone.

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