Thursday, July 9, 2015

Ariana Grande Licks Donuts and I Dislike Her A Lot

Ariana Grande.

no.

What are you even doing.

Sit down.

Listen, I get it. When I see donuts, my tongue rarely stays in my mouth.



But what. What.

I remember the first time my back-up dancer boyfriend asked me to do something stupid in public and I did it.

But, like, I've grown up and moved on. And you should, too.

ALSO WHILE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BOYFRIENDS.

No one and I mean no one just thinks of you as Big Sean's ex-girlfriend, so your little post on Twitter was kind of dumb.


When I think of you, I think of...

  • A former Nickelodeon star
  • Someone who feuded with Jennette McCurdy (I think that's her name but I'm too lazy to fact check for this dumb blog)
  • A person who likes for people to carry her around (google it)
  • A pop singer who wears bunny ears
  • Someone my dad described as a "pedophile's dream because she looks 12 but is actually legal."
  • This picture

  • And finally, maybe if I'm all out of options, I think about the time you dated Big Sean but then I'm like, who is Big Sean.

Also, your apology about the donuts. LOL. Quit everything and hire me as your publicist because I remember the first time I was an idiot.

Childhood obesity??????????????????????????????????????????????

What.

Wut.

Who are you. Where am I.

YOU LICKED A DONUT AND NOW YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW LITTLE JIMMY IS TOO FAT FOR THE SWINGSET LIKE SIT DOWN, ARIANA.

What Ariana should have done: Apologize by actually saying the words "I'm sorry" and then give $10,000 to the donut shop because you, my friend, are a filthy animal who thinks it's ok to lick other people's donuts.

THAT ADVICE WAS FREE OF CHARGE, ARIANA. TAKE IT.

Now I hear that the donut-licking ordeal is being investigated???? Like by the FBI???? Which is like?????

If you ever touch one of my donuts, there will be a lot more hateful blog posts.

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