Sunday, July 26, 2015

I Watched #IAmCait So You Didn't Have To

"I am Cait, you are Cait, we are Cait." -Augusta

After 368 years of anticipation, I Am Cait is premiering on E! Six people are in Augusta's apartment watching it. We are mainly quiet but also kind of loud, so if I don't get everything right, sue them, not me.

The show starts out showing Caitlyn seeing her Vanity Fair cover on the news for the first time. Her voice is the same as Bruce's and honestly, that's the hardest part of all of this.

"I love how they can't even change the font from the Kardashian font." -Katie's in-depth thoughts.

Caitlyn's mom and sister, Esther and Pam are about to meet Caitlyn for the first time. This is awkward to meet her for the first time on TV but it's E! so what do you expect.

"Mom's having a hard time." -Augusta

All of a sudden though, it's more than just Esther and Pam and it's all these old white women and they are meeting Caitlyn for the first time. I don't know who all these old white women are, but I would be there too because 15 minutes of fame is fun.

"She's so relaxed and so happy." -Pam, talking about Caitlyn.

Kassidy thinks Caitlyn's makeup looks good and if Kassidy compliments someone's makeup then it's basically like the Pope saying you are a good person.

"I feel like that makeup is... what is the word, frosty?" -Augusta, who apparently disagrees with Kassidy.



Now Caitlyn is talking about how she decided on the name Caitlyn, which is awkward because that's Brody's girlfriend's name. Brody is Caitlyn's son. That is awkward. Right? Like imagine if your dad became a woman and renamed herself and it was your girlfriend's name. That would be weird. Ok bye.

Just kidding, I have more to say.

While Caitlyn and Pam and Esther are discussing how she chose her name, Kylie calls Caitlyn and because she is a Baby Boomer, she doesn't realize she's on FaceTime. Kylie is high because she just got home from the dentist and it's like oh is that why?????

What if Kylie was just high and decided to call her dad and she blamed it on the dentist like lol k.

All of this talk about becoming a woman reminds me that someone called me curvaceous Friday night and I'm still not over it. I can't wait until the day someone calls Caitlyn curvaceous and she has to deal with that.

Thoughts for that.

Caitlyn and Esther are talking to a transgender counselor and then Esther decides to ask her about the Bible verse that says men shouldn't dress as women and it's like why tf do you think this trans counselor knows anything about the Bible??????? and I'm sorry Esther, but is Caitlyn a Christian???

sry.

Now it is showing Caitlyn playing tennis with Pam and she's wearing a tennis skirt and now I want a tennis skirt.

CAITLYN NEEDS TO PUT HER HAIR IN A PONYTAIL BECAUSE THAT'S THE HARDEST PART OF BEING A WOMAN.

Now Kylie is over and she makes me really uncomfortable for some reason and I don't know why. Her lips look good in pictures but not in real life and that's why this is so hard.

"I def take the Jenner side." -Kylie, after receiving a picture of Esther when she was 17.

Kylie is literally the opposite of Jenner she is full-blown Kardashian. Like, look at this pic.



Now to make this whole thing more Kardashian, Kylie is putting her line of extensions in Caitlyn and it's like ok, we get it. Product placement will never not be a thing with the Kardashian Klan.

Now we are back to Caitlyn and Esther talking and Esther says, "This is not easy."

"In what aspect is it not easy?" -Caitlyn

I WOULD GO WITH EVERY ASPECT

Caitlyn and Esther are discussing their problems in the past and how Bruce would isolate himself because he felt he never fit in.

"I love bruce. That will never change. I want to do what he wants." -Esther, having trouble with pronouns.

Caitlyn is talking about her suicidal thoughts and it's sad.

NOW KIM AND KANYE ARE IN THE BUILDING I REPEAT KIM AND KANYE ARE IN THE BUILDING.

AND KANYE IS TALKING. WORDS ARE COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

"That was the best part of the whole show. The season can end now." -Augusta after Kanye talking.

But the best part literally comes when some old woman, it could be Pam, idfk, starts talking to Kanye and she says, "Explain the no-shoelaces look" to Kanye.

This is literally the first time she's ever seen a black person. Why is your skin so dark? What is rapping? How is Africa? Can you clean my house? -Pam in her head, probably.

Now Kim and Caitlyn are in the closet, lol help, and are going through Caitlyn's new wardrobe and they come up with a brilliant plan. They are saying how Caitlyn should show up wearing the same dress as Kris Jenner and not only is that not funny from just being a woman perspective but considering Kris was once married to a man who is now a woman, that is really the opposite of funny.



Now Caitlyn is walking down a staircase and Lane says, "She looks like the lead singer of Aerosmith." Everyone laughs.

Caitlyn has a side part and everyone in the room agrees that she looks better with a side part and Katie specifically asked me to include that in this blog, so here.

NOW HERE IS THE BEST PART OF THE WHOLE SHOW: previews for the rest of the season: a woman asks Caitlyn out on a date (??????????????), Khloe is mad about the Vanity Fair article, and Kim says you don't have to bash us and it's like oh?????????

update, NONE OF US READ THE VANITY FAIR ARTICLE. SOS, so we have no idea what that part is about.

I thought this episode/show was really boring, but maybe I was just expecting more.

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