Wednesday, July 22, 2015

My Very Informative Movie Review of Amy

I have seen three movies in the past week and it's weird. I don't like movies. My favorite movie is the remake of Footloose. Like, my taste in movies are bad and no one should ever take my opinion on movies seriously.

With that said, here is what I thought of each of the movies I saw this week.

Trainwreck wasn't good but everyone disagrees with me, so am I an idiot, was I awake during the movie, is there another Trainwreck in theaters right now, did Amy Schumer hypnotize everyone, is Bill Hader funny when he's not Stefon.

Then I saw Love and Mercy with my father, which is about Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and it was ok. Brian Wilson heard voices in his head and during the entire movie, I kept wondering if I do too hear voices in my head or if that's just me thinking???? Like, shouldn't I be a genius if I hear voices in my head like Brian????? Is this blog my Good Vibrations????

Then, finally, to drive it all home or something, I saw Amy, which is a documentary about Amy Winehouse and spoiler alert, she dies.

My knowledge of Amy Winehouse before seeing the movie:
  • She sang that song about not going to rehab
  • She did drugs
  • She died

My knowledge of Amy Winehouse after seeing the movie:
  • She sang that song about not going to rehab
  • She did drugs
  • She died

Idk about you, but when I do become famous and someone wants to make a documentary on me, they are going to have zero videotapes to work with and that's why I can never become famous. I have the talent and the good looks and the charisma, I just don't have home videos of me growing up to make a successful documentary, so that's why I'm not pursuing stardom.

Is anyone still reading this blog. help.

ANYWAY, Amy Winehouse had several home videos of her and her friends and her singing and doing girl stuff, etc.

The whole time, the documentary is showing her rise to fame without really explaining how she rose to fame. Like, it was obvs because she was a singer, but it just kind of happened so suddenly.

Anyway, it shows her up and down relationship with Blake, who she dated, then they broke up, then they dated, and then they got married, blah blah blah, I remember my first relationship.

I had a miniature crush on Blake in the movie, but that's not my fault. He was skinny and homely looking.

someone pls help me.

But Blake is the villain of the documentary because he introduced Amy to crack cocaine. She starts doing that and spoiler alert, crack cocaine is not good for you. Then the parents speak briefly on her eating disorder, but were just like, yeah, she said she threw up her food but we didn't think much of it.


Anyway, Amy gets sober for the Grammys because someone in her posse made her sign a contract promising she would be sober for the Grammys.

The documentary shows her accepting the Grammy for Record of the Year and not when she won Best New Artist over Taylor Swift.

Things that keep my up at night:
  • Do I like Erin Andrews or do I not like Erin Andrews
  • Remember when Kelly Ripa and Clay Aiken got into a feud?
  • Can dogs have crushes on humans?
  • There was a time when I could fit my entire body through a hanger.
  • I can't believe Amy Winehouse won Best New Artist over Taylor Swift in the 2008 Grammy Awards and then showed her appreciation by dying.
2008 was a tough year for everyone ok.

Thank God they didn't show that part because Lawd knows there would have been a riot. From me. Just from me. Because literally no one else cares.

Ok, moving on. So after the Grammys, Amy starts doing drugs again and at this point, I'm certain the movie is never going to end. I begin to plan my move into the theater. I can live off sausage and margaritas, I think.

They show a clip of her at one of her concerts where she can't even stand because she is so wasted. It's sad.

Then later she starts doing heroin and they show pictures she took of herself on her computer and they are gross and bad and they hurt. It's painful. It's the first time I feel for her in the entire movie.

I'm not sure what happened after all of this. Her best friend from childhood said she got a phone call from Amy and Amy was sober and happy and apologizing for being on drugs so much. Her friend was like yay, ok. Amy said, I will call you tomorrow.

And then she didn't.

She died. She entered the 27 Club.

The end.

No, like, seriously the movie ended as soon as she died.

They showed her body being carried to a car (covered of course) and everyone was sad. I was sad.

May you RIP, Amy.

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