Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Preparing To Interview Nick Jonas

Nick Jonas.
Nick Jonas.
JONAS JONAS JONAS.


mercy.

Let this be known: I don't even particularly like Nick Jonas. He strikes me as the type of guy who would buy you a drink in the bar and then get really angry if you talked to another guy. This has never happened to me, so I'm not positive if I would hate it or secretly like it, but you get the point.

But when my editor informed me that I was going to interview Nick Jonas, I went into a freakin tailspin. A tizzy. A psychotic episode. I couldn't even talk to anyone for 48 hours. I didn't look anyone in the eye. All I could think about was Nick Jonas and how everything was going to go down.

Thought process before interviewing Nick Jonas:
What should I wear to interview Nick Jonas
I'm going to text everyone in my phone and ask them.
My dad said 'something sassy.'
Mack said one of my black dresses. How many black dresses do I own. I own eight. I own a lot of black dresses for a woman who literally never goes anywhere nice.
I need to go to the mall.
But first DSW.
These brown booties are very cute and Nick Jonas would like them.
They are Michael Kors.
I can never remember if Kassidy hates Michael Kors or Marc Jacobs. She hates one of them.
They're $150. I'm not going to get them.
I need to go to the mall.
Top Shop is nice but I was just here.
I'm going to go to Forever 21.
God no.
Urban?
I own everything here already.
Nick would never go for a boho girl anyway.
H&M?
I'm already a worse person from just spending three minutes in there.
Back to Nordstroms.
The lady is asking me what occasion I'm shopping for. I literally can't tell her I'm interviewing Nick Jonas because who would even believe me. I don't even believe me.
This skirt is nice. I'm going to ask the sales lady if it's ugly.
Of course she said no.
Oh god, I'm trying this skirt on and it's ugly.
I'm going to leave and not make eye contact with Gabby, the nice sales lady, even though she was wrong and that skirt was effing hideous.
Ok, I'm home and that mall trip was as unsuccessful as Nick Jonas and the Administration.
Let's Google Olivia Culpo.
God, she's pretty.
Does Nick Jonas like bangs?
I should text my dad again.
Let's read about what Olivia does before she goes out for a night.
She shaves her legs with coconut oil. I used to do that.
Should I do that tomorrow?
Should I get a spray tan?
Should I be myself or not?
Does Nick Jonas know about jokes?
What am I even interviewing him about?
My sister said to go look in her closet. Our styles couldn't be more different if I was Rosie O'Donnell and she was Kelly Ripa.
Oh, good, my roommate is home, I can bother her now.
I just convinced her to go to Target.
Am I getting older or is Target getting worse?
God, I can never tell when I'm entering the maternity section.
I need something that says I'm a professional, but also you can ask me out.
I just called Nick Joe. Don't let me say that to his face.
God, there is nothing at Target. My life is going to hell.
I'm back home. I have to watch Scream Queens because Nick is in it.
This is the worst show I've ever watched and I've seen an episode of American Juniors.
I'm not going to watch this. I'll read about it tomorrow on Twitter.
I'm going to Wikipedia Nick Jonas.
He was born in Dallas. That will be a good ice-breaker.
I have nothing to wear.
Literally, do I own any clothes.

need dat dress.

Actually transcription from the Nick Jonas interview:
PMS: "Are you happy to be in Dallas? Do your parents still live here?"
NJ: "They do. My parents are coming (to the show) tonight."
PMS: "And Frankie still lives here?"
NJ: "Frankie lives here."
PMS: "He's my favorite."
NJ: "He's my favorite, too. He's the best one."
PMS: "Yeah."

Nick Jonas did not compliment me on my clothes, but when I went to shake his hand goodbye, he went in for the hug and I said NICK ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME.

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