Thursday, October 15, 2015

Another Hot Neighbor Update

How much does everyone love Hot Neighbor?



I love him so much I just gave him his own label for this stupid-ass blog, so you can click on "Hot Neighbor" anytime and read everything there is to know about him.

Listen, it's been awhile since PMS gave you a Hot Neighbor update. A lot has happened since June 7, 2015, when I gave you your last Hot Neighbor update.


But here's the kicker. I have not seen Hot Neighbor and his shirtless sweatiness since Vietnam.

No, seriously.

He came and watched me perform stand-up comedy, actual stand-up comedy, please contact my assistant for any further bookings, and by assistant, I mean Winston, and that was one of the last times I saw him.

Were my jokes that bad???????????

He literally changed his flight just so he could make it and I was like, are we dating. And then his girlfriend was there, and I was like, are we all dating? Am I cool with sharing Hot Neighbor? And then she spoke and she was really nice and complimented me, so now I have no choice but to hate her. KIDDING if for some unknown reason you're reading this.

The other time I saw him, he came over to borrow my vacuum and he told me how he was going to set up a camera so he could watch the squirrels on his patio eat corn on the cob.



I cannot make this shit up.

OH, and then one other time, I was celebrating the anniversary of this blog and my girlfriends and I couldn't get the frosting to work (Red Raider education is hard), so we called Hot Neighbor over so he could use his big muscles to make it work and he couldn't. BUT he did have spare frosting at his place and ladies, that's a real man.

So I haven't seen Hot Neighbor in weeks, but I did run into an old friend and it turns out he lives in my apartment complex. He asked if he would get a nickname like Hot Neighbor and I was like...

who.the.hell.do.you.think.you.are.

Hot Neighbor worked for that nickname and for you to come along and just think because you are a neighbor of mine who occasionally sweats and might get hot, that you get a nickname. How dare you, sir.

Hot Neighbor is like a really sexy spy because he leaves things around. He left a full-length mirror in front of our door and I was like, so you think I'm pretty and I should be looking at myself more, and then he left a plant thing, probably one he grew, and we were like ok.

I mean I miss Hot Neighbor more than I can say, but I know he has to come to me eventually because I hold all the power and by that I mean I have a vacuum he uses all the time.

Miss you if you're reading this.

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