Sunday, November 29, 2015

I've been to every church in Dallas

I'm telling you right now, if you are a Christian who is unable to make fun of modern Christian culture, then stop reading right now. You won't get it.

Because I am a young, hip, Millennial Christian living in Dallas, finding a church home has been a top priority for me. My roommate and I have searched high and low for a church in Dallas and at this point, we are Goldielocks, except the beds are churches and the bears are worship leaders. These are my tales of the experiences. It's meant to be funny, so start laughing now.

The church with Jef Holm
One Saturday night, I literally Googled "church for young people" and this church came up. So we headed there one chilly Sunday morning. Upon walking in, we realized "young people" meant ages 37-45 because we were the youngest single people in there by far. Worship was a show. One of the guys singing looked like Jef Holm from the Bachelorette. He was wearing a titanium wedding ring, like young Christian married men do. He had skinny jeans and half of his head was shaved. I imagine his wife was somewhere barefoot and pregnant Instagramming about the many #blessings in her life.

Friday, November 27, 2015

The time I fell in love with a guy named Joe

This is going to be one of those blogs that I will regret either when a) the subject of the blog finds it b) a future boyfriend finds it (pausing for laughter) or c) spoiler alert, when the subject's girlfriend finds it. hahahaha. With all that said, here goes nothing.

7:37 p.m. Nov. 9
My friends and I are inside Quarter Bar, our first stop during Buzz Bike. We are being loud and annoying charming and fun, when I spy two males standing awkwardly by the jukebox. I approach them and make small talk. I don't remember what was said. I have slept and drank since then, so honestly, who really knows.

Friday, November 20, 2015

I Hate My Roommate And Her TV Choices

I somehow managed to move in with a human being who hates doing the dishes, has a dog that sheds, sings in the shower, and yet none of that is as bad as the fact that we can't agree on TV shows to watch. Any tbh, I've never experienced pain quite like it.

How many midnight drives did Harry and Taylor go on, and other questions I have for pop stars

I love pop music. The worst the song, the more I dance to it. Enter: Stitches by Shawn Mendes.

But not only do I love bad/good pop music, I love decoding each song because a lot of pop stars write about their famous flings and there's nothing PMS loves more than some celebrity gossip.

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles

So here's where I ask, How many midnight drives did Harry Styles and Taylor Swift go on exactly.

In Taylor Swift's song "Style," she sings, "Midnight/you come and pick me up/no headlights/long drive/could end in burning flame or paradise" in the first verse.

"Style" is obviously about Harry Styles because Harry and Taylor dated and the song is called "Style" and I feel like I shouldn't have to explain that, but just in case, here's this blog.

So, ok, basically all of "Style" takes place in a car ride and the video even features a lot of car riding, even with the male subject driving and Tay sitting in the back creepily and it reminds me of an Uber ride and lol.

Monday, November 16, 2015

I have bras older than Derek Jeter's fiance

update: she's my age. but here i am. writing this blog.

This would be a good time to ignore that other blog I wrote about age. Thank you.

Listen, I can remember a time when Derek Jeter was the hot stuff. Women loved him. Men wanted to be him. Everyone wanted him on their baseball team I think probably. We've all gone through the phase when we had posters of him on our bedroom walls, lol or was that just me, preteen PMS was unique.

But now he's kind of done with. Idk.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Wendy Williams And I Have Thoughts on Justin Bieber

Below you will see a clip of Wendy EFFIN Williams saying, "How you doin', readers of Just PMSing" and then giggling.

Besides her saying that first line, she also sits down with Inside Edition's Deborah Norville to discuss all things Justin Bieber because he's everyone's favorite ~bad boy.~

Sunday, November 1, 2015

What is planning.

For as long as I can remember, my parents have had a plan in place.

For everything.

Natural disasters are something the Skinners are so overly prepared for, I think my father is a little offended he's never had to seriously deal with one.

Fire in the middle of the night? Meet at the mailbox.
Tornado? Meet in the master bedroom closet.
Terrorist attack in Dallas? Meet in Corsicana.
Need to go further than that? Meet in Lubbock.
Does everyone have their natural disaster kit? Flashlights? Wind-up radio? Mattress? Blankets?