Friday, November 20, 2015

I Hate My Roommate And Her TV Choices

I somehow managed to move in with a human being who hates doing the dishes, has a dog that sheds, sings in the shower, and yet none of that is as bad as the fact that we can't agree on TV shows to watch. Any tbh, I've never experienced pain quite like it.



Things my roommate, Kassidy, likes to watch:
American Horror Story
Nazi shit
World War II crap
Game of Thrones
Glee

Things I like to watch:
Difficult People
Parks and Rec
New Girl
Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Kourtney and Kim Take New York
Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami
Kourtney and Kim Take Miami
Kourtney and Khloe Take The Hamptons

So you can imagine the arguments that ensue when it comes time to eat dinner together and decide on something to watch on Netflix/Hulu/HBO Go.

We argue. We fight. We scream. We cry.

I have been binge watching all 94 seasons of all Kardashians and Kassidy refuses to watch any of it. Kassidy has been on a real American Horror Story kick and I cannot.

I cannot for several reasons: 1. midgets 2. two-headed women 3. Emma Roberts 4. Jessica Lange looks too much like Caitlyn Jenner 5. that creepy girl/boy/creature with the buck teeth and bald head. omg I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

I also cannot eat while watching AHS. I can fake being interested if I'm just sitting in the living room, scrolling through Twitter with it on in the background. But the second I have to stuff teriyaki chicken into my mouth hole, I cannot physically handle watching a bunch of midgets run around on my TV. I usually have to beg Kassidy to turn it to New Girl or Park and Rec or something until I finish my meal.

me

I also cannot because there is a plot to AHS and I do not have the energy to follow it. Why is Jessica Lange singing? Why is there a carnival? Why is Adam Levine having sex with Mrs. Channing Tatum in a warehouse? Why is Precious here? Did one of the girls of the two-headed girl die? Why is this man married to so many women? Why is he now seducing an older black woman with a penis? Why are there so many nuns? Who decided Emma Roberts was a good enough actress to give her a role?

I CAN'T DO IT.

You see, I have a really hard job where I have to write about the Real Housewives of Dallas, so I prefer TV with little to no plot. Enter Keeping Up With The Kardashians because the only thing I really have to keep up with is how many Cartier bracelets Kylie wears.


bye.

1 comment: