Monday, November 16, 2015

I have bras older than Derek Jeter's fiance

update: she's my age. but here i am. writing this blog.

This would be a good time to ignore that other blog I wrote about age. Thank you.

Listen, I can remember a time when Derek Jeter was the hot stuff. Women loved him. Men wanted to be him. Everyone wanted him on their baseball team I think probably. We've all gone through the phase when we had posters of him on our bedroom walls, lol or was that just me, preteen PMS was unique.

But now he's kind of done with. Idk.



Women Derek Jeter has dated:
Mariah Carey
Minka Kelly
Jessica Biel
Joy Enriquez
Jordana Brewster
Vanessa Minnillo
Lara Dutta
Vida Guerra
Scarlett Johansson
Adriana Lima
Jessica Alba
Your Mom
The Virgin Mary

His fiance now is named Hannah and I could look up her last name but it will soon be Jeter, so like who cares. She hosts Project Runway Junior and it's like ok. we get it. you're a child. you're also my age but like still a child.

her face says i'm engaged to man who is so old he played in the same all-star game as cal ripken jr.
i'm too lazy to fact check that caption so pray it's true.

Also, according to the NY Post and your mother, Derek Jeter leaves autographed swag to one-night stands because of course he does lololololololol

They should make a I Hooked Up With Derek Jeter And All I Got Was This Lousy Magnet magnet because lol that would be funny. Are you laughing yet. Is anyone still reading.

Also, ALSO, what ever happened to the ole golden rule 'divide by two and add seven' to the age of the women you can date.

Derek Jeter is 41.

41 divided by 2 is 20 let's say.

20 plus 7 is 27.

HIS FIANCE IS 25, WHICH MEANS SHE IS TOO YOUNG FOR YOU BRO.

honestly preteen PMS is just mad it's not her i'm sorry.

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