Saturday, December 26, 2015

Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, we get it.

Dear Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, 
We get it.
Love, America.

I've been putting off writing this blog forever now. I keep thinking it will stop but every time I open a People Magazine, I see a new picture of the Oddest Couple In The World and it's getting out of hand.

Friday, December 25, 2015

PMS's 10 Most Fascinating People of 2015

If Barbara Walters thinks Bradley Cooper is fascinating, then hell, everyone is fascinating. Your mailman is fascinating. Your cousin who went to England one time is fascinating. Your left eyebrow is fascinating.

Not to be outdone by a woman who can't pronounce her Rs and has a voice that puts anyone to sleep, I decided to compile my own list of 10 Most Fascinating People. These are real actual people I have encountered over the past year.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

I went to your grandmother's church this morning

... if your grandmother is the richest woman in the world.

Church stop like 87: My roommate's co-worker recommended this church because a lot of "young" people go there. More on that later.

So we wake up Sunday morning and begin getting ready. Sure, I have the ability to look nice, but sometimes I just really want to throw on some jeans and motorcycle boots and call it a day. So that's what I did. A pair of jeans with a black and white stripped sweater and some brown motorcycle boots because I love mixing black and brown because I like to fight the system. I'm a rebel. My roommate was going to wear a nice red dress but after seeing my choice, she decided on a plaid shirt and leggings.

It's fine. We're going to the 11 a.m. service. How fancy could it be.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Yes, I know my phone screen is cracked.

Attention everyone. Yes, I know my phone screen is cracked. It's a metaphor for my heart.

If that isn't a lyric on Ruben Studdard's next album, then ISIS wins.

I don't want this to come across as a girl who is annoyed that people are making conversation with her. And maybe I'm just as guilty as the next person. But, I get it. You get it. We all get it. My phone screen is cracked in a million pieces. We can stop talking about it.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Counting On: No one can form a sentence, Derick is dying

Well, everyone. I can't read and by that, sometimes I forget other people live in different timezones. LONG STORY SHORT I MISSED THE FIRST HOUR OF JILL AND JESSA: COUNTING ON. what's the point in even living. breathing. going on.

After 19 Kids and Counting got canceled, TLC was like wait, we can't completely get rid of the Duggars because they bring in a lot of cash. But we can't have Perverted Josh on the TV, so we'll just make a show about Angels Jill and Jessa.

I have no idea what I missed during the first hour of a 90-minute show, but I'm sure Jill made homemade pickles and I'm sure Jessa put on makeup and I'm sure Jana was silent but really pretty.

I was only able to see a few clips where, thankfully, they talked about Perverted Josh and let me tell you, they are, like, really upset about their brother having an affair.

Like, I get it. If I had a brother and he acted like the World's Holiest Christian Man Ever and then he had an account on Ashley Madison, I would be pretty pissed, too, but, like, these kids are really, really, really, really upset.

The producers interviewed Jana, Jinger, Jessa, Jill, John David, and Joseph all individually. Here are the highlights:

Sunday, December 13, 2015

My Week At The Doctor

...because apparently I have ebola.

Just kidding, it's anxiety. And spoiler alert, someone with anxiety will probably do anything to see a doctor as soon as freakin possible.

Anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks this week. Maybe I was supposed to have this kind of freakout two years ago when I graduated college and I'm just now having it, but boy, did I have it. And I lived to blog about it.

So Monday afternoon rolls around and I head to Richardson, America to see my doctor for said anxiety. I'm anxious and speeding down George Bush Highway ready to run over someone. HAHA THAT'S A LAURA BUSH JOKE DO YOU GET IT. I arrive promptly and they call me into the room quickly. The woman takes my weight, my blood pressure and my pulse. My pulse is 99. I have no idea what that means. She tells me that's a little high and it could be because of the anxiety. I say NO SHIT BARNEY FIFE. The doctor comes in. He says everything will be ok. He prescribes me a new medication because my old one makes me sick. Because he's retiring at the end of the month, he tells me what other doctors I should see. He hugs me goodbye like he's never going to see me again.