Saturday, December 26, 2015

Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, we get it.

Dear Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, 
We get it.
Love, America.

I've been putting off writing this blog forever now. I keep thinking it will stop but every time I open a People Magazine, I see a new picture of the Oddest Couple In The World and it's getting out of hand.

Listen, we've all been there. This dynamic is nothing new.

First, Gwen, I get it. We've all dated a bisexual man and then after ending it, we went searching for a man.

A man. 

A man who drinks straight whiskey and has rugged hands that he uses to do manly things.

We've all been there.

But it's time to sit down. We get it. You like his country accent. You like his drinking problem. You like that he doesn't have any kids. You like his sense of humor. You like his attitude of IDGAF.

Second, Blake, I remember my first rebound. I'm sure Gwen is a lovely gal and she has maybe said one funny thing in her life and I'm sure she looks great in shorts, but like snap out of it. DO YOU THINK GWEN IS GOING TO SURVIVE ON A FARM IN TISHOMINGO, OKLAHOMA. DO YOU THINK SHE'S EVER SEEN A FARM OR RANCH OR FIELD OR WHATEVER YOU LIVE ON. DO YOU THINK HER LIPS TASTE LIKE SANGRIA. smh.

photo by fb user janet williams zacharias
Also how ignorant is this picture. Poor Gwen has literally never been south of LA and thinks everyone just wears camo all the time. LIKE WE CAN SEE YOU, GWEN. YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY HIDING FROM ANYONE. NICE TRY, THOUGH.

Also, done with headlines.

I'm just done.

----UPDATE AS OF MARCH 11, 2016----

Blake Shelton chose Gwen Stefani as his adviser on The Voice and I am so done.

And then she performed at some award show and one the set was a fake bar called "Blake's."

???????????????? Can she not ?????????????? Can this not be a thing ??????????????? I hate them???????????????

I'm sure I'll update this again.

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