Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Counting On: No one can form a sentence, Derick is dying

Well, everyone. I can't read and by that, sometimes I forget other people live in different timezones. LONG STORY SHORT I MISSED THE FIRST HOUR OF JILL AND JESSA: COUNTING ON. what's the point in even living. breathing. going on.

After 19 Kids and Counting got canceled, TLC was like wait, we can't completely get rid of the Duggars because they bring in a lot of cash. But we can't have Perverted Josh on the TV, so we'll just make a show about Angels Jill and Jessa.

I have no idea what I missed during the first hour of a 90-minute show, but I'm sure Jill made homemade pickles and I'm sure Jessa put on makeup and I'm sure Jana was silent but really pretty.

I was only able to see a few clips where, thankfully, they talked about Perverted Josh and let me tell you, they are, like, really upset about their brother having an affair.

Like, I get it. If I had a brother and he acted like the World's Holiest Christian Man Ever and then he had an account on Ashley Madison, I would be pretty pissed, too, but, like, these kids are really, really, really, really upset.

The producers interviewed Jana, Jinger, Jessa, Jill, John David, and Joseph all individually. Here are the highlights:

Jana
Jana, hands down, the prettiest Duggar, no joke, took about 45 seconds to complete one sentence and the sentence was basically that her brother's affair made her sad. She was just throwing out words like upset, double life, mask, god is making beauty out of ashes, etc.

Joy Anna
All of these girls are crying, but they all look really pretty while they cry. It's annoying. They all also have big, perfect lips and my thin lips aren't jealous at all. Joy Anna says something about how Josh was her role model and how she did look up to him. Oh.

John David
The saddest interview comes from John David because shit got real. He says he needs to be a role model because his younger siblings look up to him, like how he used to look up to Josh. "But one of the toughest things I ever had to tell my older brother was, 'I don't wanna be like you anymore.'"

oh.my.god.

Joseph
First, who is Joseph because I have no idea, but he's my new favorite because he's literally the only one who gets it. He said something about how because his family put themselves out there, people are going to question anything that comes up. YES, EXACTLY. Affairs happen all the time, yes, but you people decided you wanted to star in a reality show about how perfect you all are. People are going to jump at the affair thing. Sorry. Those are the rules. I don't make them, I just follow them closely.

Josiah
Josiah is also my favorite because he's gay and doesn't know it yet.

All of this is fun and sad and everything and I feel bad for everyone involved kind of, but the real question is, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH DERICK??????????????




Derick is married to Jill and he's always been a little funny looking, but omg, something happened to him. He looks about 20 pounds lighter, has braces, and looks like he got beat up. I'm not even kidding. Was he starved while Jill was pregnant? Did someone beat him up and knock out his teeth and now he has braces? Like, I'm so confused???????? He and Jill are moving to Central America to do God's work, and honest to god, I'm scared he's not going to make it. Like, do you need a babysitter??????? Someone to remind you to eat????? Don't walk in a dark alley??????? scared4u.

Michelle and Jim Bob and Josie weren't in this episode, well the 30 minutes I saw, so honestly, I already like this show better than 19 Kids and Counting.

Next week: Anna Duggar gets interview. PTL.

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