Thursday, February 11, 2016

GUEST POST: What it’s like being PMS’ actual friend

A photo posted by paginaskinner (@paginaskinner) on


This is a guest post by Sassy Neal over at It's Fine I'm Fine dot com. I met her during our internship and knew I wanted to be friends with her immediately, so I kind of pursued her because I'm a lesbian. I wanted someone to write about what it's like being friends with me because I'm not obsessed with myself at all. Enjoy. Follow Sassy's blog because every Monday she blogs about The Bachelor and sometimes about how to dress your boyfriend like a gay man. Enjoy.

I met PMS the summer of 2013 in the D Magazine internship program. We hit it off immediately and have been best friends ever since.
Just kidding.
We really didn’t even talk the whole time, except when I told her, “You were an editor at The Daily Toreador? I remember reading your articles!” on day one.
We became fb friends through the internship, and read each other’s blogs, then she somehow got an invite to my 23rd birthday party, which was so tragic and ignorant I don’t even have words, and I went to her birthday party that fall, and had one of the most fun nights in Dallas, up until that point. Then she introduced me to other people, then the friendships got real.
Really real.
And now I know everything about PMS and it’s a burden I’ll always carry. Enjoy.

PMS at home
Walking into the home of PMS is always a unique adventure. You're greeted by her roommate's dog, Winston, who is the size of a bear, louder than an entire drunk bachelorette party. But he is v tute. 

Then you make it into the living room of their apt, and I see the milk carton I brought over from when I made cookies here two weeks ago.

You will find the following objects: 
  • Opened bag of cheetos
  • Empty bottles of pink wine
  • Half full Dr. Pepper cans
  • Dog toys
  • Dog hair
  • Cups
  • Empty Champagne bottles (BUT PMS HATES MIMOSAS)
  • Advocare products (not owned by PMS)
They don't have cable, just Hulu, so it's guaranteed that American Idol or The Duggars will be playing. I'm sure all of this is a huge shock to you. Her room is also a fun experience. There is the famous "Just PMSing" sign, pics of friends, and four thousand items of clothing strewn about. 

PMS at brunch
Think PMS is just a wild party animal who lives for the weekends-in-Dallas brunch life? Think actual again. PMS does NOT I repeat NOT drink the champagne + OJ concoction. PMS does not touch alcohol in the daylight at all. She always, under any circumstance, orders a Dr. Pepper and the basic breakfast with over easy eggs, because you are what you eat (HAHA SEE WHAT I DID THERE). 

There will be talk of Kim Kardashian, Harry Styles' beauty, and which celebrity has been self-aware lately.

So enjoy drinking that carafe on your own, you'll need it. 


who has the better choker you better pick me wait who is typing this
PMS at play (or bars)
0 to 100. One second staring at her phone, like she’s alone in the world, the next minute she’s at the jukebox machine in Quarter Bar spending $10 on music, then has to be pulled down from trying to climb on top of a table. It doesn’t matter how much of the Dos Equis she’s consumed, this instance is fair game for happening at any point in the night. Just when you think “I’LL BE NEEDING STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHES” couldn’t get any louder or more obnoxious, PMS is gone. She has left the building. No literally, like she’s not there. IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PMS OR HER ROOMMATE, IT’S THAT THEY DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE SAY GOODBYE BEFORE LEAVING, I’M NOT BITTER ABOUT IT, I HAVE NO BAD EXPERIENCES WITH THIS AT ALL. I mean tbh, I could write an entire book blog post about PMS & friends at The Quarter Bar Dallas bars, but I'll stop here.

PMS at family dinner (or Mexican restaurants with Granmary)
What is respect for the elderly? What is having a 99yo grandma? PMS can answer one of these questions. Let me explain. The girls are really obsessed with Paige’s grandma. We cannot wrap our heads around everything she’s lived through. On top of that, she’s mentally sharper than all of us, even Cayla, and Cayla is our smartest friend. Despite granmary’s mental sharpness, and general existence, PMS is quick to call her out. PMS treats Granmary like she treats the rest of us. There are no special exceptions or pedestals. Don’t get me wrong, like PMS has respect for Granmary, but she will also not walk on eggshells or coddle her. Or anyone. Don’t feel special. Ever.



PMS meeting new friends
You will at one point or another be in a position where you’re going to introduce friends (hometown friends, old college friends, random visiting cousins) to PMS, and one thing is for certain: Your friends are going to think PMS doesn’t like them.
PMS is not here to impress you or anyone or make you like her. PMS is just PMS doing PMS things and if you don’t like it, she’s a journalist, and she doesn’t care. She’s already read 12 hate comments today before even meeting you. Bye.
But actually, just bring up Taylor Swift or clothes from the 90s and she’ll be your best friend.

PMS meeting new boyfriends
I hope you like getting your nipple twisted, getting hit on, and in general being made an object in the game called PMS Doesn’t Care About New Boyfriends But You Better Treat Her Like One Of Henry The 8th ‘s Actual Wives (and that goes for her friends. New boyfriends: you’ve been warned.)

Thanks 4 reading, find me on my blog, twitter, or facebook bye.

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