Thursday, March 31, 2016

Vulnerable States of Spray Tanning


Spray tans are great because for a short week, they convince people you are a person who goes outside and does something known as "sunbathing." Pale people know nothing about this, of course, because we burn. But spray tans give the illusion that we've been outside for longer than 19 seconds and that's why I believe in miracles.

Monday, March 28, 2016

The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: Denton bro edition

this is photoshopped, but we rly spent our nite there and augusta neal just asked, "have i been to lucky lou's?" so

This is a Just PMSing original series titled "The moment I knew I hit rock bottom" where I tell y'all about some of my lowest moments. Don't feel sorry for me. Just laugh and buy me a drink. If you have a story you feel can top mine, then start your own blog.

I don't know who the eff died and made Denton the new Austin, Texas, but someone did. And I experienced it first-hand Friday night.

When I told one of my editors that I was going to Denton on Friday night, he responded, "You go to Denton??" And I was like yes, why is this a big deal. I used to date a Denton boy. We used to go on dates in the square, I think, unless I'm confusing him with another Denton boy and now I don't remember, but anyway, YES, I'VE BEEN TO DENTON, WHY IS THIS SO WEIRD. I'M COOL.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Canker sores and Housewives will kill me


Jesus, our Lord and Savior, died on the cross for our sins. He was nailed to the cross, like actually tortured, and died. And then three days later, he was like lol, I'm here and then there was an empty tomb and damn Thomas didn't believe it so he made Jesus prove it and honestly, Thomases don't get any better 2,000 years later.

BUT MY POINT IS: JESUS DIED ON THE ACTUAL CROSS FOR MY SINS AND I CAN'T EVEN MAN UP AND TAKE THE COMMUNION BREAD AT CHURCH BECAUSE MOUTH CANKER SORES WILL KILL ME. I WILL DIE. BUT NOT IN A HEROIC WAY.

Friday, March 25, 2016

"Have you ever seen 'He's Just Not That Into You?'"



There I was. In Adairs on a Thursday night celebrating the good Lord's Good Friday. I was drinking a Corona and minding my own business.

Minding my own business as in, talking to anyone who would talk back. I found a couple on one of their first dates and being the good Samaritan that I am, I sat myself down and blah blah blah, what do you know. I started talking about a male.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

A (kind of) timeline of my nail polish obsession


I don't even know why. Or how.

Junior year of college
It was junior year of college. I was finding my way. I was finding myself. It was one Saturday evening before a night out on the town when my best friend and I were getting ready. We did our hair. We did our makeup. We got dressed. We drank. And then, she painted my nails. Something I had never done before. Nails. Always the last thing on my mind. What are nails anyway? And why would we paint them? I mean, color our hair, sure. But paint our nails? Why? Anyway, she painted them a nice shade of dark blue. Midnight blue. And literally, I'm not even exaggerating, I have kept my nails painted ever since.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Things to do while waiting for machine to read your debit card chip

It does not discriminate. It doesn't care who you are, where you've been, where you went to school, how many Twitter followers you have. It will take its time. It wants to really make sure you're not the fraud you look like. It wants to read your outside and inside and your soul.

I'm talking about the card reader thing that reads your debit card chip. It really rocked my world. I don't know who the eff decided we needed to be extra secure, but now Target and other retailers, mainly just Target, has introduced a card reader thing, where instead of swiping your debit card like the Tinder profile it is, you must now enter it into a machine and have it read its chip, like the chip on your shoulder.

I'm a great writer.

Here are some things you can do while waiting for the card reader thing to read and process your chip:

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Who is Icky Bob Crain?

what happens when u google "icky bob crain"

Every second, every minute, every hour, my 99-year-old grandmother, YES 99 TAKE THAT IN, finds it appropriate to ask if I have a boyfriend.

But she doesn't word it quite like that.

Instead, she says, "What does your boyfriend look like?" as if she's going to trick me into confessing that I do secretly have a boyfriend that I refuse to tell her about.

Monday, March 21, 2016

The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: Dad doesn't know who I dated

me n an artist.

This is a Just PMSing original series titled "The moment I knew I hit rock bottom" where I tell y'all about some of my lowest moments. Don't feel sorry for me. Just laugh and buy me a drink. If you have a story you feel can top mine, then start your own blog.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

So you want bangs, huh

Oh, you precious, precious peach.

Did Taylor Swift's Vogue 2012 Vogue cover have that much of an impact on you, too?

this photoshoot changed my life.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Sometimes I text 'ok' and that's ok


If you have ever texted me, then first:

W0W, you are lucky.

And second, you will notice that I occasionally text the word 'ok.'

It has recently come to my attention that this bothers some people.

And by recently, I mean I dated a guy once who got so mad at me for doing it, he would ignore me the rest of the day lololo.

But I'm here to explain myself. On my blog. It's ok to text 'ok.' Thank you. PMS for president.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Where has Hot Neighbor been?

god i hope this is true. 
amazing.

The last time I gave you an official Hot Neighbor update was October of 2015. And that's just too long to go without knowing more about his squirrel cam or his rock collection or his general hotness.

So the million dollar question is: Where has Hot Neighbor been?

Monday, March 14, 2016

The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: Vomit at the gas station


This is a Just PMSing original series titled "The moment I knew I hit rock bottom" where I tell y'all about some of my lowest moments. Don't feel sorry for me. Just laugh and buy me a drink. If you have a story you feel can top mine, then start your own blog.

This story is rough, so apologies in advance. It's called rock bottom for a reason. Not pebble bottom. Ok, that was stupid. Sorry.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Rompers have taken over dresses and I'm pissed


THIS BLOG CONTAINS AFFILIATE LINKS, SO IF U BUY, I'LL GET SOME MONEY. it's fine, you'll live.

I went shopping yesterday for a simple dress to wear to a rehearsal dinner for a nice spring wedding. What I found were dozens upon dozens of rompers. ROMPERS. You know jumpsuits. Jumpers. Shorts and a shirt attached. A dress but shorts instead. I am pissed about this and before voting for any presidential candidate, I need to know what they plan on doing to bring dresses back to America. Make America a dress country again.

Friday, March 11, 2016

The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: A new series

just me n spongebob in rock bottom etc.

I'm introducing a new series to Just PMSing called "The moment I knew I hit rock bottom." This will be good because 1) it will give y'all a chance to laugh at me and my life and 2) it will force me to write hopefully once a week and make me remember how sad my life is.

Are y'all excited?? I am. Truth be told I told a co-worker what I had for lunch and he said, "When did you know you hit rock bottom" and I said oh.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

I have never seen or read Harry Potter

what's going on harry what's happening where are we

*But I am reading Carly Simon's memoir, so same thing.*

Y'all, it's hard. It's all so hard. If you would have told fifth grade PMS that Harry Potter was going to be such a staple in Millennial culture, then maybe MAYBE I would have picked up a book by JK Rowling for an AR test.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

I need Gigi Hadid to slow her roll


Like, slow her actual roll because I cannot keep up.

There is only so much beauty you're allowed as a human being and Gigi Hadid has surpassed it, so now as Americans, we have to do something about it.

First. Who is Gigi Hadid. Like, who is she really. This would not be a professional blog if I didn't address who exactly Miss Jelena Noura "Gigi" Hadid is.

Monday, March 7, 2016

A girl threatened to punch me in the face Saturday night


There really isn't much of a story. Honestly, it could be summed up with that one text, but let's go ahead and answer your questions you probably have.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

NSYNC's Celebrity Song By Song Breakdown


There was a time, let's say two days ago because that's when it happened, where I drank one beer at Texas Roadhouse because that's where you go when you're young and single and living in Dallas, and I decided to make a bold statement.

George Clooney is gay. NSYNC's Celebrity is better than No Strings Attached.


I felt called to declare this because recently it was brought to my attention that No Strings Attached held a bunch of records until Adele came and broke them.

This confused me because I've always believed Celebrity was the better album mainly because I hate the song "It's Gonna Be Me," which was on No Strings Attached album. r u keeping up.

So because this is now a music blog, I thought we should explore Celebrity track by track. (If anyone finds this blog in the future, I wrote this in the year 2016, 15 years after the album came out because there's nothing wrong with me.)

Friday, March 4, 2016

I don't play games


This is where I playfully say, "not even with boys' hearts" and everyone laughs and says oh pms you are too funny and too cute and omg aren't you to die for.

I really, really despise playing games. I'm the least competitive person I know, unless of course it's something I think is important and I know I can beat someone else at (i.e. writing a story first, etc). But playing board games or drinking games or anything else is not my kind of fun.

Let's explore how fun I am.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Well, that was embarrassing

Let me start this blog off with: I never get embarrassed. I hate when people try to purposely embarrass someone. So to avoid that and just being embarrassed in general, I decided one day in college that I wasn't going to get embarrassed anymore so I don't. Don't like get all excited. I'm not trying to go all 'eat pray love' and inspirational and start a movement on you or get this blog picked up by Thought Catalog, I'm just stating something, so calm down. With that said, no one said I wasn't awkward. It's just that I typically own my awkwardness and go with it. So with all that said: story time.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

I can't sleep, so I think

Haha, that title. Help.

My new anxiety meds cause me to wake up at the asscrack of dawn every morning. I don't even know if it's dawn because honestly if you put a gun to my head right now and made me tell you the time the sun rises each morning, I would have no idea. I also can never remember if it rises in the east or west or north or south wait what.

Ok, what was the point of all of this.

Right. So I'm still getting used to my anxiety meds blah blah blah and I'm waking up super early before my alarm clock. But don't worry. I'm not doing anything useful with this time. I'm not like working out or doing the dishes or reading my Bible or anything productive. I'm lying in bed thinking about the most random crap on earth.

Let's explore PMS's mind. Is there anything more frightening. God. No. Let's go.