Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Bachelorette Episode 6: I didn't even watch, but everybody is always wrong

I'm not going to sit here behind a computer screen and pretend I watched the last episode of The Bachelorette. I am a lot of things, but I'm not a liar. If you want to read a Bachelorette recap, read it literally anywhere else on the Internet. My friend Sassy writes a funny one here. I read it too and I have the internet, so I know what happened. And I'm not pleased. I'm angry in fact. Because once a Bachelorette season, I fall in love with a contestant. Let's take a look at PMS's favorites.

Jef from Emily's Season

like.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

A Story About A Girl Picked To Tell A Story


This blog. What a journey it has been. There have been highs and lows and middles and some redesigns and do you think I'm about to tell you I'm quitting blogging? No, why would you think that. The title has nothing to do with that, so of course you wouldn't think that. OK, where was I going. YES, THIS BLOG.

The blog has been mainly stupid but occasionally you get a Facebook message asking you to tell a story from it out loud, in front of breathing human beings, and sometimes it causes so much stress, your hair actually falls out.

Of course, when I say you in all of this, I really mean me, because that's something that happened to me. Yes, actual me. PMS, as they call me. They, as in my friends.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

The Bachelorette Episode 5: JoJo is all of us


Wow, I'm so glad everyone stopped their busy schedules to read this recap that's a day old. Sometimes I come home from work on a Monday and I don't even want to watch The Bachelorette, much less make my fingers type something about it.

So I ate chips and watched The Challenge instead.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Hello, it's me. Blogging from hell.


Hell (n.) is where you go when you die because on earth, you denied Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This is a Christian blog now. I'm a children's pastor now.

Hell on earth (n.) is my apartment with a broken air conditioner.

Thanks for your prayers in advance.

Friday, June 10, 2016

The Bachelorette Episode 4: JoJo is a cool girl who wears a bikini


HAPPY NATIONAL BEST FRIENDS DAY. REMEMBER WHEN JOJO TOLD BEN HE WAS HER BEST FRIEND. I WONDER HOW THEY'RE DOING NOW???? I WONDER HOW OFTEN THEY GET DINNER??? I WONDER HOW THEY CELEBRATED TODAY????

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Bachelorette Episode 3: Do I hate JoJo

i stole this from twitter im sorry wat do u want from me
Greetings, love children. I am sorry this is a day late. I have no excuse besides I just didn't feel like watching it last night. But then I received a comment on my episode 2 recap that really motivated me, so here I am.

P.S. Blogging a TV show really, really, really makes you hate the TV show. But here I am. Doing it. For the people.

THIS IS JUST PART 1 OF 2 NIGHTS IS ANYONE READY I ALREADY WANNA DIE.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Taylor Swift lyrics to help Taylor Swift get through her breakup


It was a People Magazine notification heard round the world. Where were you when your friend group texted your Ride or Die group text with the fatal words...

I was applying deodorant, getting ready to go to my favorite Mexican restaurant in town. I had spent all day at work, participating in child labor, and all I wanted was a frozen margarita with salt, make that a double, I'm not high-maintenance.

But when life throws you curveballs, you gotta hit them anyway. I'm talking to you, Taylor, I think. I'm talking to anyone who will listen.

Taylor, I know you're not reading this, but pretend you are. Here are some Taylor Swift Lyrics To Help Taylor Swift Get Through Her Breakup. I'm clever.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

How To Lose A Guy In 10 minutes



*the person I went on the date with wanted me to title it that, so*

This is a story of how to lose a date in 10 minutes. This is a story of seeing real-life breathing reality stars in the flesh in public. This is my story.