Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Where are The Bachelorette blogs?


I wish I was better. I wish it was easier. I wish I didn't hate Jordan and Robby and JoJo's choice in men. I wish things were different.

I tried blogging the hometown dates. I tried really, really hard. This is what happened:

Then I tried blogging the overnight dates episode. I tried even harder for that one. This is what happened:

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

This Week In Cyber Bullying

Wouldn't it be funny if this was a reoccurring series I had? Where I just tracked all the cyber-bullying going on in the world? Wouldn't it tho? Wouldn't it?????????????????????

Calvin cyber-bullies Tay

cannot believe tay dated a dj

Everyone is always asking me, PMS, how do you stay so beautiful and witty and humble and PMS, is that your real hair, and PMS, what do you think about Calvin and Taylor Swift? I think Calvin has always been a giant a$$hole and I was shocked when Tay started dating him but underwear model amirite.

Monday, July 18, 2016

The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: Sonic alone in my car

This is a Just PMSing original series titled "The moment I knew I hit rock bottom" where I tell y'all about some of my lowest moments. Don't feel sorry for me. Just laugh and buy me a drink. If you have a story you feel can top mine, then start your own blog.

Did you think I had permanently escaped rock bottom??? Did you think, oh, something terrific must have happened to this blogger and now she doesn't ever visit rock bottom anymore???

Why I think that's mostly true (the past few months have been good compared to other previous months), I want everyone to know that I just spent my lunch break eating Sonic alone in my car because it's Monday and the world hates Taylor Swift and what else are you supposed to do on a Monday when the world hates Taylor Swift.

And while there's nothing crazy about that, I want you to know I didn't actually eat lunch. I ate a Fudge Brownie Molten Cake Sundae because I thought it would taste similar to Chili's molten cakes. But it didn't.

It tasted like an old brownie was heated up in a microwave and they topped it with soft-serve ice cream from a machine. It was no Blue Bell, let me tell you that. It tasted like the realization that Taylor Swift lied and that she's not a robot. It tasted like the feeling you get in your stomach when two of your favorite female celebrities are fighting. It tasted like the gross realization that Kanye West didn't lie. It tasted like the end of the world.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

GUEST POST: Ghosts of College Roommates Past

This is a guest post by my friend Mack. He sent me this post back when I blogged about my roommate drama and I swore I would publish it and then I never did and he never stopped asking me about it, so finally I was like ok, I will do it. Now he's thinking about starting his own blog but wants to get his feet wet first with this. So read it and tell him if he's funny enough for his own blog.

Freshman year. Fall of 2010.
I was stoned out of my mind so I went to a community college in my hometown. I was fortunate enough that I didn’t have to waste any expense on dorms my first year. So I can’t really talk shit about my roommates. My parents were very kind to me.

Friday, July 15, 2016

He's too busy catching Pokemon instead of feelings

It's 6:23 p.m. Thursday night. Brad arrives at my apartment and sits down on the couch.

"Your apartment doesn't have any Pokemons."


He lifts his phone back up.

"Oh, there's one in your bedroom."

Thursday, July 14, 2016

FAQ: How To Become A Famous Blogger

I’m sad to say that literally no one has ever asked me for blogging advice. I’ve been blogging for more than a year. Heck, maybe even more than two years and I’ve been saying equally-as-ignorant stuff out loud for far longer than that. So the fact that no one has said, PMS, how do you do all that you do, is baffling to me.

Because I take not being accepted into the world of “bloggers who do FAQs” so well, I decided to force my friend Mack, who is thinking about starting his own blog, to ask me questions he has about blogging.

Sassy at IFIF and I at PMS answered all your (Mack's) burning questions.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

The Bachelorette Episode 7: There's gonna be a heartache tonight

I'm sorry this is a day late, but at the same time, you need to realize I was doing the Lord's work and reviewing a 98 Degrees concert last night. Yes, 98 Degrees.

Feel sorry for me.

I also really want to watch Difficult People right now, but instead, I'm doing this.

Feel sorry for me.

I also haven't eaten dinner yet, but I will go on for the four people who read these recaps.

Feel sorry for me.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Who Am I: Haircut Edition

As I'm sitting in Salon Pompeo surrounded my Uptown's most pretentious, listening to a gay hairdresser complain about his best friend, I am startled to see my hair fall to the ground.

This is nothing new. I mean I knew I was at the hair salon and I knew the hairdresser was going to cut my hair. In fact, I'm a big fan of haircuts. And this haircut was substantial enough. Not as crazy as the time I cut off 12 inches and gave it to the cancer patients. I'm not going to say I'm a hero to the sick, but I'll let you say it.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Why Would Anyone Think I'm A Southern Belle, An Investigation

paige o'hara. photoshop by sassy neal at

11:37 a.m. Saturday, June 18, IHOP, Frisco, Texas

"You're the most southern belle girl I've ever dated." -my boyfriend


Tuesday, July 5, 2016

What A Guy's Celeb Crush Says About Him And Ways To Subtly Knock Her Down

Here's a fun game to play: Ask every male ever who their celebrity crush is and watch your confidence shrink to nothing. "OH you like Aubrey Plaza??? So you like mean girls?? So what is it exactly you like about me," you'll ask your boyfriend one million times before he breaks up with you/commits suicide (same thing).

But celebrity crushes are always going to be a thing. Even when Adam and Eve were around, Adam lusted after other, more famous women. That was actually the original sin, but society chooses to recognize Eve eating the apple as the first sin. I'm so sorry for this blog already.

Monday, July 4, 2016

How Baby Boomers Think You Live Versus How You Actually Live

My friends and I do this thing where we call anyone just a little bit older than us a Baby Boomer. And then we also use it as an insult. If a friend does something "wrong" on social media, we call them a Baby Boomer. If one of us wears a shirt we deem "ugly," we call that shirt-wearer a Baby Boomer.

Also none of this has to do with this blog post really, but I thought I would go ahead and say it. Thanks 4 reading.

But Baby Boomers. You work with them. You share a Starbucks line with them. You might live with them. They are everywhere.