Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Hot Neighbor Wants Me To Know That He Wants A Fox

this is not Hot Neighbor. this is a random dude on reddit and i blurred out his face. imagine HN instead.

It happened suddenly. It was a normal Sunday night and yet it was everything but normal. Within a second, everything changed.

Approximately 9:20 p.m. Sunday night
My phone lit up with a notification. It was Hot Neighbor. I opened it. I saw a long link. Was it spam. I skimmed the words in the link. I recognized zero of the words. I took a deep breath. I clicked on the link. I closed my eyes.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Would I Date Burke Ramsey Today And Other Questions I Have Regarding Jonbenet

Last night, the 305th Jonbenet Ramsey special aired and I don't even know the title of what it was called, I don't know the hashtag for the event, I know nothing, yet I know so much and yet, I still have questions.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Brad Paisley And I Are Just Alike: We Both Have Gay Exes

he had no idea.

Some people you just connect with. Sometimes you meet a person and you're like wow, we have so much in common. That's what happened when I read Brad Paisley's Wikipedia page. Let me explain.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

All Men Are Gay; I Know This Because I Have A Gay Ex-Boyfriend

i hate glee.

I want you to settle down. Yes, you, poor girl reading this blog. I know that boy you love isn't texting you back and I know you are upset about it. I know because I was once you.

But now I'm older and wiser and prettier and I have advice for you.

It's fine because he's gay.

Friday, September 9, 2016

I Have A Gay Ex-Boyfriend And I Finally Have Permission To Blog About Him

I have spent the past year hoarding a big, big secret. I have a gay ex-boyfriend.

Not many people know this about me except literally everyone I've ever talked to. I've told family, friends, my Uber driver, my co-workers, God, all the Housewives. Everyone knows.

Except I haven't been allowed to write about it per request from the actual gay ex-boyfriend. But now I have permission. It's been one year since he came out to me and I have so many blog ideas in my drafts. Here they are are you ready they're coming:

Thursday, September 8, 2016

20 Simple Questions To Answer In The Whataburger Drive-Thru

You have a one-hour lunch break. But will that be enough time to answer all the questions your local Whataburger attendant has for you? Is it???? Can you do it???? Do you have it in you???

Listen. I love a friendly drive-thru salesperson. They make the dreaded waiting-in-my-hot-car-for-a-burger event much more enjoyable. But I've been prescribed anti-depressants in fewer questions than ordering a #7 at Whataburger and this is my blog and I want to complain about it.

BUT DO NOT FEAR, AMERICA actually just texas. Here is a handy guide to help you prepare for your next trip to waterburger.