Tuesday, October 4, 2016

The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: Tim Allen as my phone background


This is a Just PMSing original series titled "The moment I knew I hit rock bottom" where I tell y'all about some of my lowest moments. Don't feel sorry for me. Just laugh and buy me a drink. If you have a story you feel can top mine, then start your own blog.

It was the middle of the afternoon at Gloria's in Addison, Texas. I was with some friends and my boyfriend enjoying a margarita swirl and chips and bean dip. I had no idea what the swirl margarita consisted of, but I do know after four sips, I was drunk.

That's when I started passionately talking about Gwen Stefani. "You have to give Gwen cwedit, though."

Cwedit.

cwedit.

c-w-e-d-i-t.

Everyone put their heads in their hands and knew I was done for. My day was over. I was drunk. Four sips of Gloria's had won and I had lost. But if you thought it couldn't get any worse from pronouncing credit like a thick-tongued 3-year-old, just you fking wait.


Somehow mugshots got brought up. Somehow Tim Allen's mugshot got brought up. Somehow I googled Tim Allen's mugshot. Somehow I saved the picture on my phone. Somehow I made it my phone background. Somehow I'm alive today.

I remember my friend Cayla telling us that mugshot used to be her Myspace background. In my drunken state, I thought that was chic as hell for some reason. I don't know why. I'm embarrassed. I don't know what's in Gloria's margaritas, but thanks to them, Tim Allen's 1978 mugshot with a mustache is now my phone background.


You can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself.

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