Friday, February 10, 2017

I Have 485 Thoughts On The New Vogue Cover, Here Are 9


This magazine cover keeps me up at night.

1. Where can I get those turtlenecks because I love me a nice black turtleneck.

2. THERE ARE ONLY TWO BODY SHAPES ON THIS COVER

DO NOT PUT ON THE COVER OF YOUR DAMN MAGAZINE THAT THE NEW NORM IS NO NORM. THERE ARE TWO BODY SHAPES ON THIS COVER: ASHLEY GRAHAM AND THE OTHERS.

3. GIGI'S WRIST
Oh my god, once you see this, you cannot unsee it.





4. WAS BELLA HADID NOT AVAILABLE?

$400 to anyone who can name the circled models

Who are these models???? I recognize three and since when is Ashley Graham high-fashion enough to be on the cover of Vogue??? Bella Hadid not available??? Christie Brinkley??? Chrissy Teigen??? Will a real model please stand up.

5. I'm available for freelance Photoshop work

Who is the person in charge of photoshopping this?? Do they not realize they are working for Vogue?? Did they use Microsoft Paint for the work?? (That's Augusta's joke, you'll live.) LOOK AT GIGI'S WRIST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

6. What happened to consistency

WHY THE ACTUAL HELL IS Ashley Graham's arm down while the others are up? Was Ashley Graham not in a sorority???? Was she blacklisted the first day of rush??? Does consistency mean nothing to anybody???

7. Where is Ashley Graham's cellulite she so proudly instagrams???


SHOW ME THIS, VOGUE.

8. Anna Wintour is 100, she literally cannot see anymore apparently

I just would love to be a fly on the wall during the meeting Anna Wintour first saw this cover. Oh, this looks great, nothing wrong here, I love Gigi's wrist.

9. Will I pay $10 just to have a copy for myself?

Probably.

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