Monday, March 13, 2017

The Bachelor Season Finale: Oh, Canada


It's the finale. Is anyone ready? This season seems like it flew by? Was it the weird thing they did where they put the rose ceremonies at the beginning of the episode?

I'm in the minority in that I liked Nick as a Bachelor.

from my dad.


Welp.

Let's get started.

We see Chris Harrison with the live studio audience that often accompanies the finale episode. Chris calls Nick's search for love "desperate" and I'm just like oh.

The episode begins and we are in Finland, where Santa Claus lives. The women are to meet Nick's parents. Raven has already met them in a previous episode, but she still has to go through it.

Raven's meeting with family

She walks in and no one cares.

They eat dinner and I think Bella is drinking wine.

I respect that.

Bella is going to have such a strange view of dating. I'm so excited for her TLC special in 10 years, "I Thought Everyone Went On A Game Show To Find A Wife."

Raven tells Nick's dad that she told Nick that she loves him, but he didn't say it back. But that's ok. She prefers he didn't say I love you back.


OK, now it's Vanessa's turn to meet the family, I guess Raven doesn't get a nighttime portion of the date, ok.

Vanessa's meeting with family

Vanessa walks in and is immediately too much for Nick's family. She starts talking and everyone sits in silence and just looks at her.

She begins to explain their first date to the family and cries. The family can't with this.

Then Vanessa talks to Nick's dad and basically says how scared she is and then she talks to Nick's mom and is like I don't know if I'm ready for a proposal.

All of America:


Then she keeps talking to everyone in the family, but she's like interviewing them. It's a weird turn of events. She tells the mom she is confused. Nick's mom then looks at her and says, "I hope you get the answer."


OH THX MOM.

Vanessa's Date

This is a weird sequence of events.

Vanessa is wearing an infinity scarf, but she doesn't have it wrapped around her neck more than once. It's just a long droopy thing hanging there.


They are in the middle of an actual blizzard and yet don't look cold. Then they go in a little cottage and meet Santa Claus. He is speaking Finnish. Santa is Finnish?????


Vanessa says this is all bringing her back to her childhood, where apparently she hung out with Santa in Finland???????

They get done hanging out with Santa and telling him what they want for Christmas (love). They then go sit by a fire, I think, idk I wasn't paying attention. Vanessa says something isn't sitting right and it's like yeah, you just hung out with Santa in a tiny cottage, that is weird.

But she means with Nick.

Nick is not reassure her because Nick is v v v good at being the Bachelor unlike Ben Higgins. This upsets Vanessa and my father, but I don't care.

Nighttime portion
They then go inside somewhere warmer and Vanessa is crying because she is so confused and Nick is making out with her wet crying face.


Raven's Date

Raven gets all the good dates and this is obvious when she gets to ice skate with Nick. The show dubs "Kiss Me" over the scene and it's freaking adorable.

Raven's hair is too long.

My roommate just said Raven looks like a "shit kicker" which is a girl who kicks shit with her boots but doesn't actually farm???? Hard rooming with a redneck.

Then in a weird twist of events, Nick goes and gets random huskie puppies and then he and Raven just play with puppies.

Nighttime portion
I don't think Raven is wearing blush.

Raven asks Nick how he is doing with everything and he says he can't move his neck because he is so stressed. I wish Nick's body's way of showing stress was getting cold sores because that would be funny.

ANYWAY. Raven says she has no hesitation with her feelings for Nick. She says her feelings are undescribable and that's not a word, but Arkansas.


Neil Lane time

Nick meets with his good friend Neil Lane and picks out a ring. It's ugly and I don't like it.

Rejection and Proposal

OK, I don't know if it's because I was playing Solitare the entire episode but this seemed to go by really fast??? I'm not ready??? One minute, Raven was getting out of the limo to meet Nick for the first time, and now she's getting out of the limo to get rejected??? Where did the time go???? I hate Daylight Savings Time???

Nick tells the camera, "To do to someone what's been done to me almost seems impossible."

Welp, here we go.

Raven gets out of the limo and I hate her dress and I hate her shoes, but wow her makeup already looks so much better.

I'm stressed out.

She walks up to Nick and he looks so uncomfortable. Raven cannot read him and just starts blabbing about how much she loves him. DO GIRLS NOT KNOW WHEN THEY ARE ABOUT TO GET BROKEN UP WITH??? I'VE BEEN BROKEN UP WITH MILLIONS OF TIMES AND TRUST ME, I KNOW WHEN IT'S COMING.

He tells Raven that's he's not in love, which is a great cope-out because she can still take that to mean he loves her. He just doesn't love love her. She takes is extremely well. I was expecting her to take off her heels and just beat the shit out of him, but she's like, ok I don't regret anything, thank you for everything, goodbye.

And then that's it.

She gets in the limo and barely speaks a word and honestly, I think she was campaigning for the Bachelorette spot, BUT THAT IS TAKEN, GIRL.

Vanessa's limo then pulls up. She looks at Chris Harrison and says, "I'm so nervous." And he says, "You should be."


wow ok don't quit ur day job, chris.

Nick hugs Vanessa and it is a much different hug than the one he gave Raven. He hugs hugs her and picks her up and basically swings her around.

Then Nick begins speaking first and I don't know if this was editing or he really spoke first, but the Bachelor usually doesn't do that, but I think they wanted the narrative this season to be, will nick get rejected. He tells Vanessa he's in love with her, he's been in love SINCE THE SECOND ROSE CEREMONY, OH SHIT, WOW.

Then Vanessa returns the words and then he gets down on one knee and proposes.

And she....

....SAYS YES!

It was a sweet moment and I'm not embarrassed to say that. They are in love, I'm in love with them, I like Nick, I like Vanessa, I like love sometimes.

WE'RE MOVING TO CANADA!!!

I will blog the ATFR in another post. Only so much I can do in one night, guise.

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