Friday, April 7, 2017

I Got Jury Duty Summons And I Actually Went

not me

It was a normal day. A day like any other. Until my father texted me that I received a jury duty summons in the mail. All of my mail still goes to Garland and honestly I have no idea what I'll do if my parents ever move.



Receiving My Jury Duty Summons
It was a normal Sunday. A Sunday like any other when my father handed me the jury duty summons letter at a normal family Sunday lunch. I put it in my tiny purse and off I went.

Losing My Jury Duty Summons
About a week before I was set for jury duty, I began thinking about it, mentally preparing for it. I should find the jury duty summons letter, I thought to my beautiful self. So I began looking for it. I spent one whole evening going through all the snail mail I had accumulated throughout the weeks, just trying to find my jury duty summons letter. After about 50 envelopes opened, I realized I was never going to find it.

Planning My Life Around Jury Duty
But I knew I still had to go. So I told my boss and the entire work team. Everyone was in absolute shock that I would actually go to jury duty. Like could not believe it. Like astounded I would go. They were shook. Apparently everyone just ignores their jury summons????

Lying To The Woman At The George Allen Courts Building
So because I couldn't find my jury duty summons letter, I had to call the George Allen Courts Building and tell them that I had lost my letter and they probably shouldn't choose me for a jury. She gave me my juror number and then asked me if I planned on driving. I told her, no, I would Uber. She told me because I live in Garland, I should take the train. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't actually live at that address because I didn't want to go to jail??????????

Morning of Jury Duty
I had to wake up at 0645 and start working because this is 2017 and you still work even if you have jury duty. Then I showered and got ready and by got ready, I mean I played with the new makeup I had bought the night before at Target, so yeah, I was ready to serve on a jury. I called the Uber about 15 minutes before I had to be there, hahahaha help. The Uber driver was named Baby and she took two wrong exits, hiking up my bill, so I gave her three stars, so yeah, I did put Baby in a corner.

Arriving at Jury Duty
I was about 15 minutes late, and honestly, this is the way to go, life hack, you heard it here first. I didn't have to wait in any lines to check in. I just walked right up, gave my juror number, and away I went. I sat in the big room and listened to Clarice Tinsley talk in the background while I tried to get my iPad to work. (I only ever use my ipad on an airplane or jury duty.)

Making Myself At Actual Home At Jury Duty
After Clarice spoke on the TV, a judge came and told us that only 20 percent of people show up to jury duty, so they want to make it more enjoyable for everyone. They added wifi and set up a lil room where you can charge your devices. After I heard that, I made a bee line to that room and set up shop. I plugged in my cellphone and ipad and propped up my feet. Three other women joined me and made friends with one another and I sat on the outside, judging them all. I hate friendly strangers. I hate jury duty. I hate friendly strangers bonding at jury duty.

Break for 30 Minutes
A woman came and read off some numbers and those people went back to the courts and the rest of us were given a 30-minute break. 30 MINUTES. We were free to go to the cafeteria or run away or whatever. I sat there for about seven minutes and then decided to try out the cafeteria.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE CAFETERIA SITUATION
I found vending machines and they did not take cards, so like how progressed are we as a nation, USA. I'm not even kidding, a homeless man asked me for cash for a breakfast sandwich, and I swear to god, I looked at him and said, "Sir, I also don't have any money." So then I went to the ATM and I swear to god, my mother would disown me if she knew I used the ATM machine that charged a $3 fee just to use it, but here we are, I wanted a Snickers. So I put in my card and THE SMALLEST AMOUNT YOU COULD GET OUT WAS $20. So I got out $20. I went back to the vending machine. THEY ONLY TAKE $1 BILLS. HAHAHAHA. So I went through the line at the cafeteria and I asked the woman for change. She said I had to buy something. I'm furious at this point. I loudly say, "OKKKKK" like I wasn't going to buy something and walked off. I went back by the vending machines, cooled off, and went back inside the cafeteria, ashamed because I had just stormed off. I bought a Dr Pepper and got my change. The cafeteria lady looked at my sad, pathetic self because she had won. I took my DP and went back out by the vending machines and started tweeting. A man asked me for money again and I didn't even look up from my phone. "Ma'am," "ma'am." He said it like four times and I ignored all of them. I bought a Snickers from the vending machine and went back into my charging room.

As soon as I sat back down, the nice woman came out and told us we can all go home.


How Much Money I Spent To Go To Jury Duty
$16.83 Uber trip there
$20 out of ATM
$3 charge to get $20 out of ATM
$1.50 Dr Pepper
$1.30 Snickers
$9.55 Uber trip home
$49.38 total
I'm fine.
All part of being an American, right.

Follow My Exact Steps And You May Also Not Get Picked For Jury Duty
Lose your jury summons letter.
Fill out the online questionnaire. Write you're a journalist.
Be late to jury duty.
Live tweet the entire event.
Prop your feet up in the charging room.
Don't give money to homeless people.
Keep tweeting.

Good luck. Do your civic duty. Chris Kyle would want you to.

No comments:

Post a Comment