Wednesday, January 17, 2018

How To Be Healthy With Minimal Effort

This is a contributed post.

Image

We all feel the pressure to lead healthier lives. Each day there is a new magazine headline detailing a miracle weight loss plan, or a critique of a celeb gaining a few pounds. We see photoshopped models left, right and centre and are told that this is the way we are supposed to look. Which is not true in the slightest. You should look however you want, be whoever you want to be, and not have to answer to the critical eye of the media. However, you shouldn’t put yourself at risk either. Being healthy doesn’t mean intense workouts, flat stomachs and eating kale smoothies for breakfast. It’s about giving your body the nutrients it needs and treating your body with care. But it is so much easier to choose the unhealthy options. So, how do you be healthy, when the unhealthy route is so much tastier?

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

The Bachelor Episode 2: But Wait, There's More


Cheers to falling in love!!!

This is not something I just randomly decided to type because The Bachelor features love and drinking. This is something the women actually cheers-ed to. By the pool. In their cutoffs.

All the women are screaming and are so excited about the possibility of a date with our Racecar Indy 500 Dangerous Sport Man Arie. But only one woman can be his so let's start.

A date card arrives and it's Becca K., the publicist from Minnesota, who gets the lucky date. I forget what the card says, but in 5 seconds, Arie has arrived at the mansion on his motorcycle ready to pick Becca and her Demi Lovato-insipired cross tattoo up.

Monday, January 8, 2018

A Letter From Josh Duggar Inviting His Fellow Sexual Predators To A Barbecue


I submitted this to McSweeneys and they did not want it and that is shocking because it is v v good.

Hey there,

I would like to formally invite you to a barbecue at noon Saturday in my Arkansas backyard.

If you don’t know who I am, let me fix that. I am Josh Duggar, oldest of the Duggar clan. You might remember me as the guy from Arkansas who felt up his sisters, but if that doesn’t narrow it down, a tabloid also found out I was on Ashley Madison looking to cheat on my sweet wife, Anna, who I sometimes accidentally call Mom.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Bachelor Season Premiere: Excitement Makes Arie Excited


IT'S JANU-ARIE!!!!

Our beloved Arie is finally The Bachelor. It's finally his time, not Peter's, so let's start.

We meet Arie and get the update on what he's been up to since Emily Maynard broke his heart FIVE YEARS AGO. He says he's been plowing every woman in eyesight he's been racing and even took up real estate as a second career.