Tuesday, May 15, 2018

My Final Chris Pratt Blog Post (Probably, I Don't Know)



First there was the time I reviewed Jurassic World.
Then when I deemed Chris Pine superior to Chris Pratt.
And then there was the time I screenshot my YouTube history and called it a blog post and a whopping 93 of y'all read.

But, finally, we have come to the end of my Chris Pratt blog series, where we say goodbye to the man who completely took over my thoughts for a solid three weeks.

Why did that happen? Doctors still aren't sure.

Did the blogger ever decide if she was physically attracted to Mr. Chris Pratt? Scientists say part of her brain lit up when she saw Chris Pratt, but they weren't sure if it was because of attractiveness or sense of comfort.

What about Chris Pratt and Anna Faris? Insiders believe the blogger finally came around the understanding why they were married in the first place, but the blogger is still unsure who Chris Pratt should date next.

As we say goodbye to Chris Pratt on this blog and I reflect on the 44 (and counting) videos of research, hours of one-way discussion with my friends on gChat, and countless hours dreaming of Chris Pratt, these are the things I have concluded about him. These things cannot be found on his Wikipedia page because they are things I have made up about him, but I am certain they are true.


  • He 100 percent celebrates Chris Kyle day non-ironically.
  • He puts his hand on his heart when God Bless America plays.
  • He thinks farts are funny.
  • He's never been in a museum.
  • He's attracted to Zoe Saldana even though she's black.

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