Sunday, December 23, 2018

I Guess We All Have A Shot With Chris Pratt, Ok Then

courtesy just jared or tmz idk don't sue me

I have a v complicated relationship with Chris Pratt in that I have no relationship with him at all. Yet I have spent hours upon hours watching YouTube videos of him being interviewed to try and decide if I like him. Is he funny? Is he hot? Would I enjoy being around him?

My boyfriend one time tried to entice me into watching Guardians of the Galaxy by advertising that Chris Pratt goes shirtless in it for a few seconds. It worked because I watched it but it wasn't with the same eagerness if you would have told me Chris Pine was going shirtless. Like, yes Chris Pratt is hot but am I like overcome with emotion at the thought of him going shirtless?????? Not really?????

And is he funny? I'm not sure???? Yes, I love Parks and Rec. And yes, I love that blooper of him joking about Kim Kardashian. But was he my favorite character on the show??? I'm not sure??????

Like, in my deepest gut, I think Chris Pratt is probably a good guy and probably treats those around him well. And in the dozens of interviews I watched, he seemed to be a better sport with journalists than his co-star Jennifer Lawrence. But like am I overcome with laughter when Chris Pratt speaks?????? I'm not sure?????

ALL OF THIS SAID CHRIS PRATT IS STILL LIKE THE BIGGEST MOVIE STAR IN THE WORLD AND I WOULD BE NOTHING IF NOT FLATTERED IF HE WAS EVER INTERESTED IN ME.

SO WITH THAT SAID, ARE WE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL PRATT IS DATING A FASHION BLOGGER????????????????????????????????????

And before you come for me, yes, I know his fashion blogger girlfriend is also the daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, but my father is Greg Skinner and my mother is Cheryl Skinner and I don't understand why someone's parents would have anything to do with landing who you date.

Chris Pratt dating a Schwarzenegger serves no purpose. He doesn't need the money. He doesn't need the publicity. He doesn't need the in on California politics. Chris Pratt has nothing to gain by being in a family with an illegitimate brother. WHICH LEADS US TO ONE CONCLUSION: HE IS DATING KATHERINE BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY LIKES HER.

Which is just. Hmm. Umm. Amazing. I am happy 4 her so happy 4 u kat but I guess I'm just confused because like ?????????????????????????????

In my small, judgmental mind, Chris Pratt should be dating a model. A Gigi Hadid. A model with long, shiny legs who also took a few college courses so she seems more well-rounded. Or maybe a Margot Robbie! But a fashion blogger?????? Is????? Just?????? Unique????????

No hate to fashion bloggers but it's like the most basic occupation alive. It's white women convincing brands to give them free shit in exchange for an Instagram post. It's not exactly riveting or making the world a better place (bc you know acting is).

But another thing, it would be different if Katherine was getting paid by like Chanel or Neimans or Gucci, but this girl is getting paid by American Eagle. Technically Aerie, but don't let Aerie's cute and jazzed up name confuse you. IT'S AN OFFSHOOT OF AMERICAN EAGLE.

i just wow i am at a loss for words but let me try

I am positive Katherine is pretty and maybe even funny and I'm sure she has a lot to offer. This relationship is just so frustrating because it's like oh I guess we all have a shot with Chris Pratt??????? Good to know???????? Chris Pratt isn't shallow and dates someone based on whether he likes them or not??????? MIND BLOWING.

FURTHERMORE, the above photo haunts me. Mainly because who called the paps to take the pics? I'm sorry but they are in Santa Barbara and there are no paps in Santa Barbara, so either Chris' camp or Katherine's camp called the paps so they could be spotted together. And that URKS me. HOLLYWOOD URKS ME.

amazing. all of it. just. amazing.

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